"...YOU ARE NEVER ALONE..."

A few weeks back this awesome lesson was given in church by my Bishop and Brother Welch in my ward. (We belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.) The letter written below was written from an individual who had struggled with overcoming pornography. I was impressed with the principles shared and think that the council is wisdom for any addiction and/or incorrect habit that someone may be fighting to break/overcome.

The following letter was written from a person who had a pornography problem and was able to overcome this problem so as to serve a mission. He gave [Bishop Lifferth] this letter in hopes to help other people who have this problem to give them HOPE and council.
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I keep having this thought going through my head that I should write to you about my experience with pornography, you may share this with whomever you wish, I just hope that my experience can help others find happiness in their lives.

It doesn’t matter how you start looking at pornography, because in the end it always leads to the same addictive result. The first step I had to take in battling pornography is realizing the damage that it does. Initially I rationalized looking at pornography by thinking that it would only hurt myself, and even then it is not hurting myself because my body is programmed to work this way. But then I began to think about my relationships before I began looking at pornography, and realized how my perceptions had changed about everyone I see. I no longer looked at people thinking of them as people, I only saw them as objects. This is not just demeaning to others, but it damages yourself, because you have crippled yourself emotionally. This emotional crippling hinders everyone around you. You become defensive all the time, your mind will continually jump to the wrong conclusions about people, and you will constantly see sexuality in everything and everyone. ONce I came to the conclusion that pornography was harmful, only then could I move on to the next step which was abandoning it.

Abandoning pornography is like abandoning a drug. It seems like the more you stop looking the more you crave it. But I promise that you can overcome the intense urges that come. Many people will tell you that if you picture someone you love in your mind while these urges come that it will help you fight the urge. I tried this and it didn’t work for me personally, I also tried humming my favorite hymn but that was to no avail, I even tried running away, but when I got back form the run I was still confronted with the same problem I was at before. The only way that I found to overcome this immense evil which had control over my life was to look at my life from an eternal perspective. I had to sit down and weigh out all that I wanted in my life and see if pornography was what I wanted. After I came to the conclusion that the only way that I could attain what I wanted in life was to rid myself of the controlling power of pornography, I began to start winning the battles over the urges. It began slow, and I lost the battle the first several times, but I began to feel a sense of self control. I finally began to control the urges, when this happens you will find a great amount of self confidence, and you will find that you will gain more and more control over yourself.

It is important to know that you will not win every time you have an urge to look at pornography. But one set back does not have to end in defeat, the real test of self comes form falling down and picking yourself back up.

Once you do have your first victories over pornography you may feel as I did and think that the problem is getting worse and that the urges are intensifying, this only shows that the great adversary, Satan himself, is trying is hardest to stop you from progressing. When this does occur I hope with all my heart that you will press on, and continue focusing on what you truly want from this mortal experience and continue towards that goal.

I testify to you that this evil does not need to persist. You have the power to stop it, you are a child of our almighty god and can draw on his infinite strength. I know this to be true, I know that the power of the atonement can save you and make you whole again. You have only to reach out to the savior, our brother, Jesus Christ and he will be there to help you out of the treacherous grasp of pornography. I know that this may seem lie an insurmountable task to accomplish, but you are never alone, call on your savior, use the atonement to purify your life, you will find no joy in pornography, joy can only be found in living a life in accordance to the plan of salvation. My dear brother or sister, I write this to you as if I were with you in person but I am not, but I want you to know that a multitude of blessings and outpouring of the spirit await you with open arms at the end of this trial. I promise you that if you will try to rid yourself of this evil you will gain happiness and find a greater depth to the gospel, I hope that these words will help you in your trials, and I leave this as a testament that there is hope, and there is forgiveness through our everlasting redeemer, even our savior and brother Jesus Christ.

The picture above is pretty significant. Spent some time in Zions on Monday and it was overcast the whole day. It was not until we were packing up to leave the park around 7pm that the light broke through and finally hit a few of the peaks. It only lasted about six or so mins, but as you can tell, it was breathtaking to see the peaks illuminated. I feel the same occurs with the addictions and weaknesses we struggle with in our lives. EVENTUALLY the "light" will come! I believe if one does all they can do, pleading and working out their struggles with the Lord--they will eventually have a "break through" in their efforts to overcome the "drug" of whatever magnitude... and their life can/will be filled with light--HIS light.

I'M A BELIEVER!!!!!

So confession! Remember when President Hinckley said, "...the minimal piercing of the ears by women for one pair of earrings.” -- I was in college at the time and I remember very well hearing the counsel. I think it was only six or so months before that, that I went out and got a 2nd earring pierce in my right ear. AND OH HOW I LOVED THE Diamond that or small hoop I kept there. I LOVED IT! ("Love" probably doesn't describe enough the emotion I had for a little extra piece of metal placed in my ear.) I never regret getting that piercing... what I do regret is my attitude and lack to follow counsel given. I heard the prophet say it, and in my mind completely justified/came to the conclusion rather too quickly that his counsel surely didn't apply to me. After all I was keeping commandments and trying to live my life right. Ya, you might be saying, as I have come to see--the commandment about following the prophet must have been slipping my mind!

I remember going to institute that week--Miracle of Forgiveness. The section "just happened" to be on following the prophets. Nothing was said about the earring comment just made the weekend prior at general conference... but I remember distinctly that I my soul was wracked. And almost as if I had had a battle outwardly, I shot my hands up to my ear while saying, "Okay, okay, I will take it out". I took out the little diamond stud and threw it away. I am sure there were others in the class that must have thought I was crazy. Now, I never regret getting the earring. At the time it was not against counsel. I do regret that it took me several days to follow the counsel of the Lord's servant. I really didn't think his council applied to me.

Since then, my spirit has become a little more "hyper/sensitive" to try to catch areas where I am justifying not following what is taught. I have had many great examples placed in my life to remind me that I need to be looking for what is asked of me, and then following.

A month or so after conference, I was visiting with a dear mission friend. We were talking about how awesome the RS conference was. She made the comment about when she heard that we RS sisters need to be studying from our history, her thought was, "Oh no, one more thing I need to start researching--how am I going to find time." She was relieved when Sister Beck made the comment that they have already compiled a history book on RS that will come out for us. My friend was sorry that she was a little grumpy she had the thought of dread in where she was going to make the time to do research on history... UM PERSPECTIVE! I was floored that my friend had even had such a thought... didn't even cross my mind that I should start studying from the history of RS. I heard Julie B. Beck state it--but the thought that I needed to do it--never crossed my mind. That is what I am talking about! I have this disease of not thinking things apply to me. SO.. I found a weakness I really don't want--and I have been working to not be in the category of, "well that doesn't apply to me" mode.

Because of this sweet sister's comment, and my sin of omission of taking so long to follow Pres. Hinckley's words--has made me a little hyper sensitive and this past general conference, I was bound and determined to be more in-tune/willing to apply whatever was said of the prophet that I would apply, go, and do. I just wanted to make sure my spirit recognized that what he says for all--applies to me too!

I know there was lots to catch, and I am working on his constant theme/reminder of gratitude-- but one thing I caught to do was President Monson said,

"I hope that we will take the time to read the conference talks, which will be printed in the November issue of the Ensign...for they are deserving of our careful study."

Now I know he didn't command us in a "thou shalt read the ensign" way--but I really do want to get rid of the weakness of not seeing/hearing/applying to myself.

SOOO-- Confession - (what a way to end my year with all these confessions! ;) ) I have never, that I can recall, ever read the conference ensign cover to cover before. I probably listen to the conference at least 8-10 times over and over before the next conference--but I have never sat down and studied the pages. I have been a little opposed to it, because I listen to them while cleaning or exercising or traveling. Well, not wanting another regret in an omission--I decided I would read one conference talk a day... and for the first time in my life, I read the conference edition cover to cover. And can I tell you--I have very few pages that are not marked up!


When I was telling a sister of mine about the amazing journey it has been in studying through reading--she questioned if reading is really different than listening--and in with a resounding, "YES" I answer her question. At least it has been for me.

I remember working in the temple and a brother that would come quite often on my shift pulled me aside and asked if there were different blessings that came from being a temple worker as apposed to being a patron. I told him for me there had sure been. Being a worker in the temple brought choice choice blessings and experiences into my life. But if I fell into the trap of thinking, "I work in the temple, so therefore I didn't need to go as a patron" I missed out on blessings that come from only being a patron.

I found that it is true for general conference. I have found power and answers to prayers with listening over and over to the general conference talks. And in a more powerful way--studying from the conference ensign--so different are the blessings that have come into my life through the careful read/pondering of it's pages. It took me two days to just go over Richard G. Scott's talk--and I still feel a week long study of his talk alone would still render countless mysteries unfolded and still lots more to be gained and understand.

Holy Cow! I AM A BELIEVER!! I hope to pour over every conference edition ensign from now on. It changed me. It was beauitful. I HIGHLY recommend the challenge! :)


ON A CHRISTMAS NOTE
Christmas was amazing... can I share a little something with you? I had prayed and God gave me a list of some folks to see on Christmas Eve. I had no idea how I was going to hit those on my list for they seemed to live in all opposite directions from my finally destination=Christmas BBQ Salmon with my folks and then off to caroling to the branches widows. (The caroling with my folks to these choice friends is my favorite--will forever stay Christmas tradition.)

Well God made a way and I was able to make the visits I had felt impressed I needed to do. On my hurried drive up the canyon--it was late in the evening, the canyon was dark and I was driving with a purdital (one headlight missing) car. As I came around a bend--all of a sudden there was a large dear within not even three feet from my car. I didn't notice the deer until it was right there. My heart jumped and I drove past un-harmed and the deer safe too. I know, "Bryndi there are deer in the canyon all the time" but had you seen this deer--you would have notice as did I that the body was ready to leap probably from the scare of my one car headlight. (I know, I still need to get that fixed!) The deer was going to leap right into my car. It's body was facing (looking to charge) right into my car--but it's head was facing the opposite way. As I drove past, deep gratitude set in and I pondered over what could have been and I questioned why the Deer had not jumped. To my minds eye, came the image of someone dressed in white at the side of the deer. The person was holding their arms around the neck of the deer and the deer was being held from leaping into my car.

I cried as I thought of the image of this unknown, only seen in my minds eye, angel--who protected me so that I could not have any delay in getting to be with my parents and going caroling. The tears came down as to how, because of the lack of light and hurry of the moment, I hadn't seen the deer until it was right by my car. I pondered over why the Lord would be so kind. I felt it was a blessing for going the places he wanted me to be that day--and in return he was allowing me to go to the place I longed to be for Christmas Eve.

A family member, a relative, an ancestor or a past friend? I have no idea who the angel was, but an angel dressed in white it surely was. With my hand over my mouth, I wept in gratitude, for several mins afterwards.

HE KEPT ME FROM SEEING
I am an accountability partner for a friend that has had a battle with pornography. There is this awesome sight that is called covenanteyes.com that will put a block on websites and give you a high level of filter. Then once a week or however many times you want a report--the accountability partner gets an email with all the websites viewed/searches attempted.

I have been the accountability partner for my friend for several months now. A few weeks ago, the report came through and it was alarming. I didn't dare check the sites that had been visited/attempted to be visited on my work computer because I feared what might come on my computer. I made a mental note to check the sites when I got home to my mac. I LOVE macs for the fact that pop ups are hard to come through. I kept forgetting to check when I was at home... until finally I remembered.

The keywords were new to me--and I was saddened by the terms that could pull up such filth. I needed to verify the sites my friend had visited so I could know if it was a problem site. Nervously I clicked on one, and had a beauitful miracle take place.

Yes, sure enough it was a horrible search. When the page opened--although there was MUCH to look at, God had my eyes focused on a particular part of the page that was demeaning to women yes, but was the least "yuck" possible to see. I quickly closed the window and clicked on one more to check, and again, awful was the site, but God had me focus on a particular spot on the page long enough to confirm and then to get out!!

What is so amazing to me--is that I really didn't "see" anything that would leave a haunting image. I know they were on the page--many many disrespecting pictures, but when I opened them, literally, my eyes were blurred from seeing them and I was able to get out. This happened on both pages.

I count this as a tender mighty miracle from God. I was able to keep my accountability in order because I knew that what my friend was dealing with was real--but God had me verify without having to see any images that would stay in my mind. I can't describe it, but I know was a miracle from God. A kind of tunnel vision/blurred stigmatism kind of thing really happened with my eyes.

I lOVED Elder Ballard's talk on addictions-- in all their forms. He said:

"Brothers and sisters, stay away from any kind of substance that may trap you."
...
"Remember...any kind of addiction is to surrender to something, thus relinquishing agency and becoming dependent."
...
"Medical research describes addiction as "a disease of the brain." This is true, but I believe that once Satan has someone in his grasp, it also becomes a disease of the spirit. But no matter what addictive cycle one is caught in, there is always hope."
...
"To those who are dealing with an addiction personally or within yoru family, I repeat, fervent prayer is key to gaining the spiritual strength to find peace and overcome an addictive craving. Heavenly Father loves all of his children, so thank HIm and express sincere faith in Him. Ask Him for the strength to overcome the addiction you are experiencing. Set aside all pride and turn your life and your heart to Him. Ask to be filled with the power of Christ's pure love. You may have to do this many times, but I testify to you that your body, mind, and spirit can be transformed, cleansed, and made whole, and you will be freed.
...
"I have seen the marvelous blessing of recovery that can set one free from the chains of addiction. The Lord is our Shepherd, and we shall not want as we trust in the power of the Atonement. I know the Lord can and will free the addicted from their bondage, for as the Apostle Paul proclaimed, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13)."

OH I AM A BELIEVER! There is hope! There is a way for our deliverance, through our Deliver, Jesus Christ.

We can be made whole through His atonement. Reading/studying the pages of the general conference magazines=life changing.

I'M A BELIEVER!

CHARACTER

Therefore, whoso hearth these sayings of mine and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, who built his house upon a rock—

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not, for it was founded upon a rock.

And every one that heareth these sayings of mine and doeth them not shall be likened unto a foolish man, who built his house upon the sand—

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell, and great was the fall of it.
3 Nephi 14:24-27 Hearth and doeth. One thing to listen, next and greater- to obey whatever we heard in our heart to do!

Last night, well now that I am typing this so late, Thursday night--we had an amazing RS meeting. We had a great presentation on pornography and what to do when you are dating and married. 53 girls end up being there for the presentation--it was great valuable information.

Thomas (a great guy in my ward that did the presentation) was answering a question on how does a girl know the guy is off of pornography and won't go back to the habit... Thomas then shared a PROFOUND thought on the verses above.

Two "men" built houses. They could be identical houses. But it is not until the storm and the rain comes that we find the character of that man. It is not before, but when the storms come whether we see if he built on a foundation in the sand or on a rock. Our character is not truly tested or shown until we see how we stand through a storm.

Beautiful truth Thomas! Thank you!

I love the picture above. Believe it or not, Dad is the 4th one over starting from the left. We all went to lavender days and Dad with Young Living, help narrate this cute little western show.

Character--the stuff we are made up of. When others are watching, but more importantly who we are in the quite chambers of our soul when only we see/know and of course God sees/knows.

Mom and Nyk have challenge me to a Book of Mormon read in 30 days. I must admit, I am someone that will pick apart one chapter in three or four days. So reading eight or nine chapters in one day is a bit different ;) But I have felt that I needed to take the challenge.

The past few weeks I have been deeply impressed/pondering over murmuring. More clear than ever--murmuring is a faith killer and a fear builder. Murmuring causes worry and doubt. Murmuring demonstrates our lack of understanding, our pride in the fact that our humility is low and murmuring just makes you grumpy--and effects those around you.

Certainly a test of my character would be to see if I handle the storms of my life without murmuring or complaint.

Recently I had some pretty profound revelation over a close friend and I have pondered how it is possible to come to pass-- my weakness temps to control me in the fact when I get a revelation that I don't understand or see possible, I follow through, yes, but sometimes with a stink attitude. Often I am a murmurer.

I have not mentioned the specific details of the revelation to anyone for I am bound and determined to not murmur on this particular insight. God will make away, and this I put my faith in the bank with.

(I hope to not murmur anymore-EVER. This is amazingly easier said than done.)

As I was studying 1 Nephi 17 before this 30 day challenge and now again with the start of the challange, I had a thought. Lamen and Lemual are just laying bad into Nephi. They were mad about being in the wilderness and leaving all the things behind in Jerusalem.

My impression--at the beginning of their complaining session they mention "...and our women have toiled, being big with child; and they have borne children in the wilderness and suffered all things, save it were death; and it would have been better that they had died before they came out of Jerusalem than to have suffered these afflictions." This comment is towards the start of their complaining. No offense to guys, but I just don't see them being that sensitive to their wife's conditions without a little prompting. Sure in a complaint list maybe the wife's hardships take up the 10th or 11th slot on the list--but with Lamen and Lemual, they bring up their wives issue early in their murmuring session. The thought came to me that their wives must have been complaining to them (their husbands) quite a bit--and perhaps it was the wives complaining that triggered/influenced the husbands to to go and get grumpy with Nephi. !! I have seen this happen with couples many times. Take a chill man, and put a constantly complaining wife behind him and your guy now has negative things come out of his mouth.

The rest of their complaints I am sure were part of their own personal complaints, but the impression for me was that they were being partly the way their were because of of the influence of their wives over them.

When this impression came I immediately did not want to EVER be caught influencing my husband to be grumpy because of my "murmurings" at home. The scriptures say why Lamen and Lemual murdered? "...they did murmur because they knew not the dealings of that God who had created them." (1 Nephi 2:12).

Well there you have it. Your Character of what you are built on (sand or rock) won't be fully tested and I should say exposed until a storm hits you. (And the scripture says, the rains descended on the wise and the foolish). That is when you can choose to murmur or trust. To submit or rebel. To rejoice instead of curse and sing instead of complain.

I was moved by these words from Elder Richard G. Scott in the April 2009 conference--

Fourteen years ago the Lord took my wife beyond the veil. I love her with all my heart, but I have never complained because I know it was His will. I have never asked why but rather what is it that He wants me to learn from this experience. I believe that is a good way to face the unpleasant things in our lives, not complaining but thanking the Lord for the trust He places in us when He gives us the opportunity to overcome difficulties.

We had the blessing of having children. A daughter, the first child, continues to be an enormous blessing in our lives. A couple of years later a son we named Richard was born. A few years later a daughter was born. She died after living only a few minutes.

Our son, Richard, was born with a heart defect. We were told that unless that could be cured, there was little probability that he would live more than two or three years. This was so long ago that techniques now used to repair such defects were unknown. We had the blessing of having a place where doctors agreed to attempt to perform the needed surgery. The surgery had to be done while his little heart was beating.

The surgery was performed just six weeks after the birth and death of our baby daughter. When the operation finished, the principal surgeon came in and said it was a success. And we thought, “How wonderful! Our son will have a strong body, be able to run and walk and grow!” We expressed deep gratitude to the Lord. Then about 10 minutes later, the same doctor came in with an ashen face and told us, “Your son has died.” Apparently the shock of the operation was more than his little body could endure.

Later, during the night, I embraced my wife and said to her, “We do not need to worry, because our children were born in the covenant. We have the assurance that we will have them with us in the future. Now we have a reason to live extremely well. We have a son and a daughter who have qualified to go to the celestial kingdom because they died before the age of eight.” That knowledge has given us great comfort. We rejoice in the knowledge that all seven of our children are sealed to us for time and all eternity.

That trial has not been a problem for either of us because, when we live righteously and have received the ordinances of the temple, everything else is in the hands of the Lord. We can do the best we can, but the final outcome is up to Him. We should never complain, when we are living worthily, about what happens in our lives.

Fourteen years ago the Lord decided it was not necessary for my wife to live any longer on the earth, and He took her to the other side of the veil. I confess that there are times when it is difficult not to be able to turn and talk to her, but I do not complain. The Lord has allowed me, at important moments in my life, to feel her influence through the veil.

So what is in my character? What makes me up--most importantly when no one is watching or seeing. What am I doing with my time. Am I a complainer/murmurer. Am I choosing to know God's dealings with me. My stance/actions when a storm hits is the best way to view who I really am.

For whoever this is for--may God bless you to overcome whatever storm you are facing.