EVER BEEN SEEKING FUTHER LIGHT AND KNOWLEDGE FROM GOD?

What do you seek?

This past Friday, I was given the day off. It is not very often that I take a day off, for lots of reasons, but when I do, boy they are sacred days! I felt impressed that I need to "go to Salt Lake". But that was the extent of the impression. So after getting a few things off my plate, I set off to Salt Lake with no idea why or to where. All I knew was that I was to go.
    As I entered the city I felt impressed to hit the building east of the Conference Center. I could see it in my minds eye, but could not recall what building it was. I guessed it may be the genealogy building ?? Turns out it is the Church Library.
   I took a tour and for two hours (the allotment of the parking space I had) I had a crazy enjoyable time! The spirit was rich and as I took a tour of the Library I was overwhelmed with the reminder that I did not want to/nor did/do I have time to idle away any time. There is SO much to be learned/taken in, appreciated, loved in that building. Outside of service, I found myself wanting to serve my mind and heart by soaking in whatever goodness others have recorded. Seriously, it is moments like that when I wish I was a speed reader and didn't have some of the limitations I do. BUT God is the one that blessed me with such weaknesses, and I am to be grateful (and I am) that I even know how to read and write.
   While in the building my awesome Sr. Missionary Tour Guide pointed out the picture up above. She said that the man that painted it was from Chile and was not a member of the church, at the time. The picture depicts he and his family in a field with their eyes/faces towards heaven--seeking further light and knowledge. The spirit of the painting, was consuming. A year later or so after he painted the picture, the man found what he and his family had been looking for. He became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints! Did you notice the date of the painting? '90! So recent! So many seeking for truths about where we came from, why are we here on this earth, where will we go after this life...? All those questions have answers, for which one can know for themselves! Click here for answers to such questions.What do you seek?
   The missionary then showed a small little clip of one of the journals in the Library. The story, deeply touched me and I could not hold back the tears. Thanks to a friend for finding this, Pres Packer shared this story in the 1980 April Ensign.

 … Joseph Millett, with his large family, was suffering through very, very difficult times. He wrote in his journal:

“One of my children came in and said that Brother Newton Hall’s folks was out of bread, had none that day.
“I divided our flour in a sack to send up to Brother Hall. Just then Brother Hall came.
“Says I, ‘Brother Hall, are you out of flour?’
“‘Brother Millett, we have none.’
“‘Well, Brother Hall, there is some in that sack. I have divided and was going to send it to you. Your children told mine that you was out.’
“Brother Hall began to cry. He said he had tried others, but could not get any. He went to the cedars and prayed to the Lord, and the Lord told him to go to Joseph Millett.
“‘Well Brother Hall, you needn’t bring this back. If the Lord sent you for it you don’t owe me for it.’”

That night Joseph Millett recorded a remarkable sentence in his journal:

“You can’t tell me how good it made me feel to know that the Lord knew there was such a person as Joseph Millett” (Diary of Joseph Millett, holograph, Archives of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Salt Lake City).

The Lord knew Joseph Millett. And He knows all those men and women like him, and they are many. Theirs are the lives that are most worth recording.

   The movie, I felt like, caught the emotion perfectly. What a man brother Hall was! To go out seeking door to door for food for his family. And finding no success, he went and had the faith enough/humility to pray and asked God what he should do, and then had the humility to go knock on one more door! Surely, he knew that others were in "tight" situations with food just as he and his family was, but isn't it in loosing our lives to God, is when we find our lives! Then--also--in the sharing of what we have, it is magnified. Not meaning we will never run out of food, but didn't the widow, who gave what she had to the prophet first--have her very meal and oil increased!?! The spirit of adding a little more water to the soup, is the very spirit of giving all that we have...
   And this Joseph Millett... I believe if I had had the prompting to, I would have shared my flour. I would like to think I would have divided out my sack, but would I have just been tempted to say, "that is sad" and carry on without another thought of how to help? I hope it is not the latter, but how often do I say a prayer without a thought of being the hands?
   Jospeh's very character/nature was that he gave without prompting or being asked to give. And GOD KNEW he would share and sent Brother Hall to him. This has to be among the choicest of all complements and testimony, that the Lord knows us and will use our very strengths/natures to bless the lives of others.
   I was moved by this story and filled with a determination to seek for greater charity. I want a heart like Jospeh Millett. And I want the courage and the humility Brother Hall showed.
   My journey did not end in that building, as all those pieces were just blessings God wanted me to be showered with. And showered I was!
   About 20 mins before my parking spot expired, I decided to run over and see the Relief Society building. I have never gone inside before.
   A sister met me and suggested I go down and view the Relief Society, Young Woman's and Primary exhibits in the basement first. I was the only visitor in the whole building! The Sr. Sister Missionary that was with the exhibit let me walk around by myself. I found myself starring at the wall of all the Relief Society Presidents since the Restoration. I could not contain my emotions--and the flood gates let loose. Because I was the only visitor, I became very aware of how loud my sobs seemed to be and I tried to shush my tears. Oh how I love being apart of a society that seeks to: Increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seeks out and helps those in need. Don't tell me that God is not behind an organization that is so choice and beautiful. One that allows woman to fully use the attributes that shape and define womanhood--to the fullest capacity. I LOVE Relief Society and the woman associated in it!
   My mins winding down on my parking space, I walked quickly through the rest of the exhibit as some precious reminders/insights stirred my soul.
  I was getting ready to leave the basement when I met a volunteer sister missionary who is currently serving as her Stake's Young Womens President. Without "reason" she started sharing with me all the ways she was plagued/attacked with debilitating anxiety as a young mother of six and what she did to combat/fight/overcome her anxiety. As she spoke to me and told me her story, I had to make sure my jaw was not hitting the floor as I had been seeking and praying to know how to help a friend who is battling such a storm. (I found the "full" reason why God has prompted me to go to Salt Lake!)
   All the words/stories/experiences this woman was sharing with me of what fear and anxiety had done to her, were the exact tear-filled words of a choice friend. God sent me to Salt Lake, to gain further light and knowledge, from a volunteer missionary that just happens to only be in Salt Lake once every two weeks on Friday afternoons- in the basement of the Relief Society building!
   God knew that my friend could not make it to Salt Lake with her current life situation, but in answer to much prayer, He allowed me to go--for her!
   Chalk it up for Him again! GOD--IS AWESOME!
   And in case you are wondering what this Missionary did to overcome her consuming anxieties... she studied/did Personal Progress as an adult (over six times)! What a testimony/tribute to that inspired program.
   What does this look like to you?

  Iron Man excitedly showed me what he had made for me... a temple! He apologized that the angel was not white as he only had a Darth Vader Lego guy, but he was more than happy for him to be used as the angel Moroni! I will tell you what, this Proud aunt has this awesome temple sitting right in front of her computer screen!
  I totally can see the temple! Can't you?! (*Yes, Darth has a face, but his beady red eyes and white monster mouth staring up at me just couldn't compete with THE angel Moroni, so yes the head is turned around! ;))
   Oh the creation of a seven year old! Whom I love.

I am grateful for inspired days off!

I am grateful for those who seek for something better.. 

Happiness is my Mission Prep class and students.

"Ed, my son, ..."

I have to say "YEA" for those choice moments of being in the right place at the right time.

I was privilege to attend a fireside a week ago with my folks. I admit, as I walked into the room, I felt a bit out of place---as there were very VERY few people with any color left in their heads of hair. This is not a bad thing! My own folks will tell you they have earned every grey hair they have. (I know, I am one of their six, and I can tell you I helped them earn them!) But with the chapel pretty full, I felt a bit out of place to be among the handful under 55/60+.

Amazing how our thoughts can change. No more than 10 mins into the meeting, I started contemplating all the wonderful truths I was hearing and how I wished all my friends could be with me in the meeting to hear what I was hearing and to feel what I was feeling. :) 

President Ed Pinegar and his lovely wife were the speakers at this fireside. He was just released as the Manti Temple President. And back in 1994, Sister Pinegar was the General Primary President.

There were so many choice insights from the evening, but I will just share few. Pres. Pinegar shared his thoughts on Charity. He made the comment that of the 13 traits listed in Morni 7:45-- seven of them had to deal with patience. He did not share which ones they were, but commented on the underline truth, that one who posses charity also has patience.

He then touched on the idea of having eyes to see and having ears to hear. He shared a sacred moment in the temple. He sat in the Celestial Room and the primary song of a "Child's Prayer" came to his mind. He thought for himself, "Heavenly Father, are you really there?" The answer came as he heard the words in his mind, "Ed, my son, I am always here." Pres. Pinegar then testified that he did not see, nor did he need to see... as he shared this sacred experience, the room was filled with the sweetest spirit.

I know that God, our Father lives. I know He answers prayers. Pres. Pinegar shared that all the knowledge of learning about Heavenly Father over his whole mortal life-- doesn't even equal a 10% of what he has learned and come to know of Him in the last four years. (!) I don't know how old he is, but he is older for sure. What a beauitful insight. His comments about our Heavenly Father were tender, and beautiful and I left the meeting with desires to strengthen my relationship and understanding of God, the Father.

Why did God allow me to enjoy such an evening? Good question. But I am not complaining!

I am grateful for Sunday moments to exercise agency of

where and what I spend my time and energy on.

"...that grey area is all but closed"

A literal dream come true!

3.4.09 (Bridgette's Temple Dream)

So here is my dream.. and yes I still have full intentions on writing it in my journal!

There was a temple that was being built and I would drive by it because it was this beautiful temple and it sat in the middle on the gorgeous rolling hills of green grass and it always seemed to be lit up, whether it was at night or on a cloudy day there was always a glow around this temple. So one day I was going over to my cousins house and I had got lost and I knew where the temple was so I decided to go and walk by it. As I was walking up to the lawn, there was this beautiful tree so I stopped to adore it [the temple] from where this tree was and all the sudden the clouds broke and the sun was shinning right on top of the temple. I was going to take a picture, and then all the sudden there were hundreds of people gathered on the lawn. There were so many people that I was having a hard time walking through the crowd. I had been trying to get in to go and do baptisms but there were so many people we were going to have to wait. Next thing I remember is walking into this building and this place was so overcrowded inside I was having a hard time moving through. At one point I walked into this room and one of the walls was a bunch a windows that had a beautiful view of the temple that was apparently next door to the building I was in. My cousin and I decided to leave, so we made our way back down to the lobby and walked out the doors. When I walked out I turned around and I saw two buildings. One building was a square building that was made of all black windows, and next to it was the temple. I had not even realized that I was even in the black building until I walked out of it. The people in the black building were all hanging out of the windows and laughing and having a good time... there were even people bungee jumping off the roof. Me being the big adrenaline junky, really wanted to go over and join the people in the black building because they were having so much fun and laughing. Then I would look at the temple and want to be there too because the church is everything to me in my life and there is no way that I would ever give that up. It was clear to me as I looked at the divide between the two buildings was that it was time to make a decision and stick to it. It was a real struggle for me and as I looked down I was dressed in my Sunday outfit and I knew that the temple is where I belonged and I chose my side. As I was walking over I could hear my family in the distance sitting by the tree I was first leaning against and adoring the temple, and they were calling me over.

-          I know that times are tough and they are going to get tougher and that grey area is all but closed. The time is coming that not only do I need to make a decision as to what side of the line I am going to be on, but everyone does too, and we should help those who are struggling with that decision as well. As tempting as it was to join the other side because they were having fun, that is not where true happiness. There is true JOY out there that is ours for the taking, and there is plenty of GOOD fun to be had out there in the world; you don’t have to be bad to have fun (I am a true believer that the Lord loves to laugh!). I just hope that when the Savior comes I can look down and know that I am dressed in my Sunday clothes because I have stayed clean enough to always be able to enter into the House of the Lord.

Bridge took out her endowments in the Manti temple this past Saturday. She was ready in every way! It was as if she had already been going with me for the past seven years for she was so natural/comfortable with all the temple had/has to offer.

Truly the experience was among the choicest of life's experiences. To see her obtain her dream, literal and dream from her desires for the past several years--was moving. Congratulations Bridgette! You made the decision of which side of the line you would be on! ...where true happiness is! And yes, you don't have to be bad to have fun. I believe the Lord loves to laugh too!

Here's to choosing to be in "Sunday clothes". The Savior will come! 

I SEE GOD'S HAND

My heart is full for a lot of reasons...! I received this picture and the following text from a dear friend tonight:

"Just got out of the temple for the first time in probably close to ten years it felt so good to finally be able to go back."

This friend has done a 180 with his life. Completely has changed and given his life over to God. When he told me he was getting his recommend for baptisms this past Sunday, I wanted to cry. He knows and values the power of the temple. He has tasted what it is like to live life for self instead of God. And has/continues now to live his life for God. His is an example/story of salvation and redemption!! Oh how I love the guy! What a tool for God he will continue to be... and all because he has decided to put the gospel of Jesus Christ in his center. He is a life hero! HE makes me want to be/live life better.

So little blessings today: I stopped pretty fast at a red light and looked in my mirror only to have the realization that the car behind me was not noticing the red light and was not slowing down. I literally had enough time to think, "They are not slowing down, I am going to get hittt........" and hit I was. I think he must have been going 30 or 40 miles per hour, maybe faster.

Poor dude, his car is a 2012 only 2 months old, sweet fully loaded nice car. He only had a slight mark on the front and a broken (fix it with glue) vent panel. I pulled over and after the shock wore off of getting hit went outside to see his and my car. My whole bumper needs to be replaced and my trunk is smashed in/no longer can stay shut. He was going pretty fast, but you know, for how fast he was going, I should be way worst than I am. I took his info and let him scoot off to get to his work. Apparently you are suppose to call the cops after an accident. (Leave that to an almost 30 year old who has never really been in an accident like this before to not know that detail. And yes already knocking on wood!)

I see God's hand.

We met up around 3pm to have a cop come meet us to make a report. And in the 45 mins of waiting for the cop that never came we talked about his life. He is 27. His folks are converts to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. At first he made some comments about just not going to the singles ward but going to the family ward. But several mins into the conversation he made some conflicting statements. He said that he wanted to marry a mormon girl in the temple, but that while he was single the church life (living commandments) was just not his thing. He talked about judgments and if he wants to drink, it doesn't make him a bad person. I totally agree, he is not a bad person. In fact, the fact that he was willing to meet me with the cops for him running into my car said a lot about his heart.

I noticed quickly that the the cop wasn't going to get there so I started to pray more fervently to know what I was suppose to say or how I was to listen. Once he started about the gospel, he started getting defensive because he didn't (and none of us like to) live with guilt. His actions after all were his own and who was to say what was good or bad. He talked about little kids being brain washed into believing a religion and almost in the same breath he said that the principle of over eating and not exercising was a proven prescription for an unhappy life and he couldn't see why people wouldn't live that truth. He also said how he could see how he would want to teach his children to keep the commandments because it was a good way to live, while again in the same breath stating that he basically didn't want to "feel" accountable when he made wrong choices. He was living/talking with conflict. Like all of us when we don't want to keep a commandment/struggle we serve two masters. We put the light of Christ (which helps us know right from wrong) under a basket and then justify that it is our life to live and our choice--and because it is our life we can and should numb our self from feeling any remorse or regret for sin/not keeping a commandment of God. 

He talked about how he feels people at church live in a fantasy land. That they need to wake up and realize that life is hard and not be so "cheesy". But that is just it, God has a plan for happiness for us NOW and AFTER. Not just after! Joy IN the journey, not just at the END. We talked about our baptismal covenants and what we promised when we were baptized. This realization seemed to be a new thought for him. I could see his inner thoughts starting to turn in a way perhaps he has never allowed/never realized/never cared to let in before. But the thought of taking on Christ's name, keeping his commandments, serving/loving others, and always trying to remember Christ--seemed to hit a chord with the kid. We talked about that trials and the "hard times" in their very nature HELP us TO REMEMBER Christ and to turn to him. I told him that I could see God's hand in the accident. Not that God caused it, but through it/with it, God was reaching out. The look of realization of the truth of that thought seemed to strike another chord with him, and he softened.

Well tomorrow morning 7:30am brings trying to meet up with the cops again to see if we can get things fixed.... our conversation ended well. I see God's hand. It could have been so much worst. And don't get me wrong. I had all the emotions of frustration, wasted time, hassle, royal pain all cross my mind and heart today. ... but why not have an accident bring about someone who deep down wants to change, and wants God, but is fence sitting. I had/have to smile at the "tools" / situations God chooses to use. I see His hand.

Then tonight at the temple, Mom was a worker when I was going through the end of the session, and the kind veil coordinator waited and held mom's spot clear just so I could go with her to the veil. Sweet!

My ward was to do the 8pm session, but apparently it was completely full, so we had to wait until the 8:20 session.... which put me getting out of the temple RIGHT when mom and dad finished their shift. I had the impression to get a blessing from dad while in the session, but I didn't know when I would see him knowing their shifts are late and I was going to have an early morning... but there was mom and dad waiting in the foyer-and there was the way to get the prompted blessing. And to top off my eventful day, my handsome (better than any date) nephews (and yes I mean that. I would choose to hang out with them then go on a date! They are just that amazing of young men!) were waiting for me because Jen dropped them off to do baptism...! I LOVE family!

A day that pretty much could be labeled as quite horrible, became and ended so choice!

I see God's hand. I am so grateful for the protection and the accident that led to a conversion of a searching soul. OH and I saw Micarie on the freeway. Happy spot!! 

CAN'T AFFORD NOT TO

I have a pretty big week ahead of me. Yesterday I thought to hit the 5:40am session today, because if I didn’t, I knew trying to go on Tues just might not happen. I woke up late (6am) and thought "I can't afford to go to the temple!" (This coming from knowing I had so much to do.) The spirit immediately impressed on my mind the thought, "You can't afford not to go." And of course I knew that was true. So I jumped up and ran to the temple. While passing my work with it’s empty parking lot, I thought about how much I could accomplish without anyone there--but I kept on driving. I ended up on the 7:20 session, and it was wonderful.

God is right… I can’t afford not to go! There is power and strength to be had. Sometimes I kick against the pricks. Thank goodness God knows not only how to work with/on me but he also won't give up on me! And I am sure thankful He doesn't.

POP QUIZ!

What is the greatest temple that has ever been built?

This was the question asked by the pretty new Stake President Sunday evening. President Clare and his wife (I have no idea if the last name is spelled right) were invited to come and speak to six singles wards... my ward was in charge of getting the speaker... THANK YOU BROTHER WALKER!  (I must say it was probably one of the top five firesides I have ever attended outside of CES firesides. Maybe coming up to the #1 I have ever attended!  It was that good!)

President Clare suggested that we had better be careful with which temple we selected because his mission covered Kirtland. :)  When he asked the question, I immediately thought of my OWN personal temple.  After a few quick suggestions of different temples, someone called out that "WE" were the greatest temples God has ever built.  President Clare had found the answer to his question!

The greatest temple ever built is...

(Here is Taybabe outside Manti this past summer. Love you TREEBS!)

I was studying Isaiah this week in 2 Nephi 12 and Isaiah 2. Last year I went through 2 Nephi with Isaiah for Airheads by John Bytheway. This year I decided to go through with David J. Ridges's Isaiah Made Easier.  (Very happy with this decision.)

Vs. 10 in 2 Nephi 12 states, "...the glory of his majesty shall smite thee."  Brother Ridges comment with that verse is, "you will not be able to stand the brightness of his glory at the Second Coming and will thus be consumed; see D&C 5:19."  The GLORY of the Lord is what consumes the wicked.

Brother Ridges continued, "Some years ago, a student asked me how the temples would survive the burning at the Second Coming. Verses 10, 19, 21 plus D&C 5:19 provide a simple answer. Temples can stand the glory of the Lord. Therefore, they will not be burned."

As I read these words, all the thoughts from the fireside and the greatest temple ever built settled my mind. God's temples can withstand His glory!  And why not!  We are told that He does not dwell in unholy temples.  SOO if I can prepare my physical/spiritual temple, my body, to become holy--a place where He can dwell-- MY TEMPLE [body] will be able to with stand the glory of God = NOT BE BURNED AT HIS COMING because my temple will already be used to being full of light, HIS LIGHT, His glory!!!  Of course add in your fire insurance of paying tithing to the whole package too--but what another beautiful reason to make sure that my body becomes a temple where God can dwell!

And just as a treat... Krisi shared this GREAT talk with me on Grace (click here). It is so worth the read! Thank you for sharing Kristi! I LOVED IT!

ARE THEY IN?!!!! --RATTLESNAKES--

Nyk called me up yesterday to share with me a dream she had had just yesterday morning. So profound is the dream that I asked her if I could share it. Deep is the meaning and there can be so many applications. Thanks for calling me up Chick! Love you!

--
THE RATTLESNAKE DREAM - Nykelle Pollastro - 9.21.10

I had a most amazing dream early this morning that I know was inspired by God. I have never had an experience like this, and have never had a dream where when I woke up, I knew the interpretations immediately, and felt that it needed to be written down and remembered.

Carson gets up for work at about 4:30 am, and I get up with him to make his lunch/breakfast. I was still extremely tired from the events this weekend, so I decided to go back to sleep for a little bit at about 4:50 am. When I went back to sleep, I had an amazing dream dealing with rattlesnakes…

I was living in my Uncle Paul’s [Mapleton, UT] house before the new additions had been completed, and it was as if it was my personal home. I had put Mia down in her crib for a nap, and had left somewhere to run an errand. When I came back through the back door up on the deck that enters into the kitchen, I noticed the double-wide screen door was wide open. I was nervous, and thought, “How did this happen?” I was also frustrated knowing I was going to have a lot of bugs/animals to deal with in the house. Immediately when I came in and saw two strange animals that looked like a cross between a very small Kangaroo and a deer. I shooed them out. I then tried to close the screen, and noticed that a huge rattlesnake was trying violently to get into my house. I could hear him shaking his rattle and saw his fangs. I tried as hard as I could to keep him out, but the snake was too strong and came into my home. Mia ran up next to me and as I was yelling at her to run away, the snake turned to bite her. I was able to grab the snake right behind its head and stop his fangs from sinking into Mia’s face. He in turn tried to bite me, but I was able to pull back. I remember thinking that it was over and there was no way we could live through this. I was able to grab the snake and toss him outside and shut the screen, but I didn’t lock it. As I continued in the house, I found 4 other rattlesnakes of various sizes inside our home, one which was entering through the small crack in the front screen door from not being locked.

As I was looking for the snakes, I realized that Mia somehow had gotten out of her crib. I found a 2 year old child who told me that they had gotten her out. I was sad to see that a 2 year old had been taking care of my daughter while I was gone. I noticed Mia had some marks on her face from me not being there, either from falling, or scratches from the snakes.

It took several hours to try and get all the snakes out. I called [my husband] at work and desperately begged him to come home immediately to help me get the rattlesnakes out. He was a little irritated that I asked him to come home early, and a little reluctant to do so. As I tried to push the snake at the front door out, he would keep creeping in until I locked the front door.

Finally, I was able to get all 5 snakes out of my house and drown them with water from the hose. After we were pretty sure they were dead, they were collected in bags. My dad came over later that day to witness the snakes, and I specifically showed him the huge snake that I dealt with first. He was amazed at the size of the rattle and the head on that snake.

I woke up promptly at 6 am from this dream, fascinated by what I had just experienced. Immediately when I woke up, I knew the meaning of the dream. I knew that the rattlesnakes were the temptations of Satan and the adversary getting into our home. I knew that because I hadn’t locked the doors before I left, that the snakes were able to get in. I knew that “locking” the doors was a symbol of prayers/scripture study/FHE for our families. And as I thought about how much time we spent trying to get rid of the rattlesnakes, my mind immediately thought of Moroni in the Book of Mormon and the time that he spent trying to solve the disputations/problems among his own people, and because there was so much time spent doing that and not preparing, the Lamanites had full advantage over them when they came.

I felt the extreme importance of having daily scripture study and prayer, and also fhe with our families. That is our “safety lock” on our doors for our homes and our children. Without that, we are leaving the doors unlocked in a sense for the adversary to get in and tempt and destroy our children and our families. We then shouldn’t be surprised if when we have taken a break from spiritual “locking” the door with prayer/fhe/scriptures, that our family/children are beset with temptations/problems/contention. We then have to spend our time trying to “get rid” of the adversary snakes in our home, which is time lost in preparing for future trials and temptations, which is why the snakes kept coming back in to my home… I didn’t have time to “lock the door” because I was trying to get all the other ones out. This teaches me the importance of daily study/prayer/fhe, and that we can never take a spiritual “break,” because once we do, we have just allowed the influence of Satan into our lives, and just like Moroni, we will spend our energy trying to clean up and get rid of the problems, instead of preparing for future battles. I also know that the 2 year old helping Mia represents other influences taking over when mom and dad aren’t there to teach and be the correct influence, or when they are not taking the time to teach their children… the teachings come from some other source that will never be as good. Mia’s scratches/bruises on her face represent the results of the influence of the 2 year old, which shows the destruction that can come from outside influences.

I was shocked that this insight came so clearly and that I understood it so well, and knew the interpretation. I have faith that this was inspired of God, and that now is the time for me to fortify my family against Satan DAILY.

As and after Nyk shared this with me, so deep was the impression on my mind. I shared her dream with a friend which commented how this is a pretty powerful parable. True, true!

The truths that came with all of Nykki's insights - when times get worse, all the ugly stuff/temptations "Rattlesnakes" will always be lurking outside in the world. They will always be around and even hiding in the bushes of our homes. But if we do not allow them to come in, we can and will enjoy peace and safety inside our homes. Not naive from the dangers that loom outside, but ever confident that our homes are safe harbors and places where fear and terror for the enemy is not present because we (our homes) are fortified with faith in God.

Nykki--thank you for sharing your dream with me! Thank you for being sensitive enough to know that it came from God!

MANTI TEMPLE

On Saturday for the first time in my life I went and did a session at the Manti temple. I don't know if I have had quite an experience like that in the temple. It was WONDERFUL! Not only was everything beauitful and in order--but I could not help but ponder over the fact that this temple was where the Doug and Judy Cloward Family began. My mom and dad were sealed for time and all eternity, making sacred covenants and vows to one another and to God in that holy house. I wish I would have found out what sealing room they were in--next time.

The temple was beautiful inside. The pictures and the things unique to that temple--absolutely breath taking. It was like experiencing the beauty of the SLC temple for the first time. Something about these older temples and the personal sacrifices that went in to building them. The experience was sacred and I could not help but weep. Weep for joy and gratitude for my parents who decided to have the courage and the desire to follow God. Who are still striving to always retain/remember their temple covenants. I am told that marriage even with the right person is a work. But how grateful I am that they are working at it. The experience was very sacred for/to me.

The woman that I went through with, her last ordinances were preformed in 2004! My heart broke over the fact that she had had them started 6 years ago, and now in 2010 she was finally having her work done for an endowment. Oh how much work there is to do. And yet the temptation to be idle, or just self deluded/focus is amazingly great.

How thankful I am for temples of God! How much HE loves us. How much he trusts us!?! (Sometimes it is a little frightening just how much he believes in us.) :)

Jesus is the Christ.

Weekend To DOs:
Discover if I have allowed any Rattlesnakes to come in - GET THEM OUT!
Lock my doors
and the Relief Society BROADCAST!!!!!!!!!!! And then next week is General Conference. Seriously, this and the first weekend in April = MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR!!

CHARACTER

Therefore, whoso hearth these sayings of mine and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, who built his house upon a rock—

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not, for it was founded upon a rock.

And every one that heareth these sayings of mine and doeth them not shall be likened unto a foolish man, who built his house upon the sand—

And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell, and great was the fall of it.
3 Nephi 14:24-27 Hearth and doeth. One thing to listen, next and greater- to obey whatever we heard in our heart to do!

Last night, well now that I am typing this so late, Thursday night--we had an amazing RS meeting. We had a great presentation on pornography and what to do when you are dating and married. 53 girls end up being there for the presentation--it was great valuable information.

Thomas (a great guy in my ward that did the presentation) was answering a question on how does a girl know the guy is off of pornography and won't go back to the habit... Thomas then shared a PROFOUND thought on the verses above.

Two "men" built houses. They could be identical houses. But it is not until the storm and the rain comes that we find the character of that man. It is not before, but when the storms come whether we see if he built on a foundation in the sand or on a rock. Our character is not truly tested or shown until we see how we stand through a storm.

Beautiful truth Thomas! Thank you!

I love the picture above. Believe it or not, Dad is the 4th one over starting from the left. We all went to lavender days and Dad with Young Living, help narrate this cute little western show.

Character--the stuff we are made up of. When others are watching, but more importantly who we are in the quite chambers of our soul when only we see/know and of course God sees/knows.

Mom and Nyk have challenge me to a Book of Mormon read in 30 days. I must admit, I am someone that will pick apart one chapter in three or four days. So reading eight or nine chapters in one day is a bit different ;) But I have felt that I needed to take the challenge.

The past few weeks I have been deeply impressed/pondering over murmuring. More clear than ever--murmuring is a faith killer and a fear builder. Murmuring causes worry and doubt. Murmuring demonstrates our lack of understanding, our pride in the fact that our humility is low and murmuring just makes you grumpy--and effects those around you.

Certainly a test of my character would be to see if I handle the storms of my life without murmuring or complaint.

Recently I had some pretty profound revelation over a close friend and I have pondered how it is possible to come to pass-- my weakness temps to control me in the fact when I get a revelation that I don't understand or see possible, I follow through, yes, but sometimes with a stink attitude. Often I am a murmurer.

I have not mentioned the specific details of the revelation to anyone for I am bound and determined to not murmur on this particular insight. God will make away, and this I put my faith in the bank with.

(I hope to not murmur anymore-EVER. This is amazingly easier said than done.)

As I was studying 1 Nephi 17 before this 30 day challenge and now again with the start of the challange, I had a thought. Lamen and Lemual are just laying bad into Nephi. They were mad about being in the wilderness and leaving all the things behind in Jerusalem.

My impression--at the beginning of their complaining session they mention "...and our women have toiled, being big with child; and they have borne children in the wilderness and suffered all things, save it were death; and it would have been better that they had died before they came out of Jerusalem than to have suffered these afflictions." This comment is towards the start of their complaining. No offense to guys, but I just don't see them being that sensitive to their wife's conditions without a little prompting. Sure in a complaint list maybe the wife's hardships take up the 10th or 11th slot on the list--but with Lamen and Lemual, they bring up their wives issue early in their murmuring session. The thought came to me that their wives must have been complaining to them (their husbands) quite a bit--and perhaps it was the wives complaining that triggered/influenced the husbands to to go and get grumpy with Nephi. !! I have seen this happen with couples many times. Take a chill man, and put a constantly complaining wife behind him and your guy now has negative things come out of his mouth.

The rest of their complaints I am sure were part of their own personal complaints, but the impression for me was that they were being partly the way their were because of of the influence of their wives over them.

When this impression came I immediately did not want to EVER be caught influencing my husband to be grumpy because of my "murmurings" at home. The scriptures say why Lamen and Lemual murdered? "...they did murmur because they knew not the dealings of that God who had created them." (1 Nephi 2:12).

Well there you have it. Your Character of what you are built on (sand or rock) won't be fully tested and I should say exposed until a storm hits you. (And the scripture says, the rains descended on the wise and the foolish). That is when you can choose to murmur or trust. To submit or rebel. To rejoice instead of curse and sing instead of complain.

I was moved by these words from Elder Richard G. Scott in the April 2009 conference--

Fourteen years ago the Lord took my wife beyond the veil. I love her with all my heart, but I have never complained because I know it was His will. I have never asked why but rather what is it that He wants me to learn from this experience. I believe that is a good way to face the unpleasant things in our lives, not complaining but thanking the Lord for the trust He places in us when He gives us the opportunity to overcome difficulties.

We had the blessing of having children. A daughter, the first child, continues to be an enormous blessing in our lives. A couple of years later a son we named Richard was born. A few years later a daughter was born. She died after living only a few minutes.

Our son, Richard, was born with a heart defect. We were told that unless that could be cured, there was little probability that he would live more than two or three years. This was so long ago that techniques now used to repair such defects were unknown. We had the blessing of having a place where doctors agreed to attempt to perform the needed surgery. The surgery had to be done while his little heart was beating.

The surgery was performed just six weeks after the birth and death of our baby daughter. When the operation finished, the principal surgeon came in and said it was a success. And we thought, “How wonderful! Our son will have a strong body, be able to run and walk and grow!” We expressed deep gratitude to the Lord. Then about 10 minutes later, the same doctor came in with an ashen face and told us, “Your son has died.” Apparently the shock of the operation was more than his little body could endure.

Later, during the night, I embraced my wife and said to her, “We do not need to worry, because our children were born in the covenant. We have the assurance that we will have them with us in the future. Now we have a reason to live extremely well. We have a son and a daughter who have qualified to go to the celestial kingdom because they died before the age of eight.” That knowledge has given us great comfort. We rejoice in the knowledge that all seven of our children are sealed to us for time and all eternity.

That trial has not been a problem for either of us because, when we live righteously and have received the ordinances of the temple, everything else is in the hands of the Lord. We can do the best we can, but the final outcome is up to Him. We should never complain, when we are living worthily, about what happens in our lives.

Fourteen years ago the Lord decided it was not necessary for my wife to live any longer on the earth, and He took her to the other side of the veil. I confess that there are times when it is difficult not to be able to turn and talk to her, but I do not complain. The Lord has allowed me, at important moments in my life, to feel her influence through the veil.

So what is in my character? What makes me up--most importantly when no one is watching or seeing. What am I doing with my time. Am I a complainer/murmurer. Am I choosing to know God's dealings with me. My stance/actions when a storm hits is the best way to view who I really am.

For whoever this is for--may God bless you to overcome whatever storm you are facing.

...DID FALL UPON THEM

...when they were all baptized and had come up out of the water, the Holy Ghost did fall upon them, and they were filled with the Holy Ghost and with fire. 3 Nep 19:13

The disciples had been praying for that which they "most desired"=the Holy Ghost. And being in the right place at the right time--"the Holy Ghost did fall upon them".

How beautiful this parallel is for me. For I have truly witnessed this all week.

Catie invited me to go with her to the temple on Tues. In preparation for this weekend, I thought not to go to the temple until later in the week, but when Catie invited me I felt to go.

On the way to the temple I saw my favorite UTAH pedestrian! I think I have blogged about her before. This woman sits in her wheelchair and with feet and arms she wheels along the streets of Provo. I once jumped out of my car a few years ago to offer her a coat on a very cold morning, but she kindly declined. I always study her and her dedication of wheeling along. Then one morning as I was watching her I wept as I saw deeper into her life. My trip to the temple had me stopped at an interception to wait for her to cross. Can you see?

I do not know the story of why she only has one foot, but seeing her going through the journey, despite challenges, I can not help but take courage for my own life! This woman is doing it with 5 toes and a metal pole. This temple trip allowed her to "fall" right in front of my camera so I could document such a dedicated daughter of God.

Then in the temple, I was absolutely filled. And I wept over the things that happened in the temple. Just small insights that do big things for my soul! I was grateful for Catie's inspired invitation.
The invitation, the woman's street crossing, and the temple visit were blessings that "fell" upon me.

Tues and Wed I was working quite late and Patti made a comment that changed/enhanced the project I was working on--making the ideas I was working on, come easier! Then Thursday night, I felt to go visit a friend, then to the church where a met a mother of a sister, then as I was driving to see a single mother, I saw a car that is never home and the spirit said to stop. I did. And low and behold this amazing girl was at her place and allowed me to come in. We talked, and I was filled. Then to the surprise visit of someone in the family ward. We discussed praying and it was clear she was not sure how to pray. How sweet it was to share the principle of prayer.

I left overwhelmed with gratitude that I would be able to witness God's mercies so much. A couple of phone calls topped off my night as I friend shared that she was had been fully fellowship and a sister who although sick and way to later her time, wanted to call to say she loved me.

Then Friday morning, off to see Yannie get her endowment! One of the workers came out of incitory weeping. She said it was her first time assisting with an ordinance for a live session. She was deeply moved by the chance of getting to look in the eyes of the patron. And her "moved" moved me and we both hugged rejoicing. Then to the celestial room when I spoke with a woman that had just gone through the temple for herself in Oct, and she and her husband are now striving to be sealed. I felt her dedication to God. She spoke of the long battle it had been to get to the temple, but how sweet the fruit was of finally being there. Again, weeping and rejoicing.

After that it was off to a lunch date with Yannie's future in-laws-- and I was impressed with how much love and respect the couple showed for one another. Such consideration.

As I left lunch I received an inspired text from Lizi asking me to name 10 things that make me ridiculously happy. As I listed my 10--I learned somethings about myself. She then text me asking "what would be the most important thing you want your future children to know?" Another question that just solidified everything I had just experienced in the temple. Thanks Lizi girl!!

Then last night brought Sam's surprise phone call and then skype session from China! What a kid! After that it was off with a 100 cookies to the Hodges house for today's wedding. I pulled up to find Elder Hodges on his lawn mower. He motioned for me to just go into the house. As I walked up the stairs I could hear his whistling over the sound of the mower. Truly a "whistle while you work" moment and I could not stop smiling at the musical display of his joy and inner peace--even while he was working!

Then this morning, a beautiful picture Sam shot with his new camera in China! I had to throw it into photoshop to add a saying that came to my mind as I viewed the picture. And as I typed it I was moved by the thought of the great song. (FYI--I did not tweak his picture at all in photoshop - so kuddos to you Sam! Great shot!:)


And now, God led me to read about how the Holy Ghost did "fall" upon the disciples.

...!!

Physically speaking, if something falls and I am not there--I will miss whatever is falling down! Whether that be: blessings, impressions, angels, revelation, guidance, promptings, the spirit, insight, peace, comfort, someone's heart, a brother or sister, a family member, a stranger. Those disciples--had they chosen to sleep in that morning and not be there at the water, the Holy Ghost would have "fallen" down, but not in their bedroom! Spiritually speaking, I don't want to be sleeping in my bedroom when there are things of the spirit to catch or people to rescue from falling. And even times like with dad--when he passed out in the parking lot and I held on to him as long as I could and then with no longer arms or strength I had to let him fall the rest of the way to the pavement--God had allowed me to be there. And although I could not keep him from falling, I was their to at least lessen the angle of the fall and then right after run for help.

Rain drops keep falling on my head seems maybe a better title for this blog. :) Or rather, blessings keep falling on my head. :)

My re-occurring lesson this week is rather more recommitting than anything. I just want to be about my father's business. Whether that is at home, at school or at play-- I just want to do his will and bidding. For that is where my greatest joys in life are.

D&C 64:29 says --

"Wherefore, as ye are agents, ye are on the Lord's errand; and whatever ye do according to the will of the Lord is the Lord's business."

-- Oh I so want to do the "Lord's business". And like President Monson, I too say to the Lord, "If there is an errand that needs to be done, send Bryndi Cloward--I'll do it!" Whether in the walls of my home/family or outside at church, work, WHEREVER.. here am I, send me.

--still a work in progress! I have so much to work on, but the battle is worth fighting.

ONWARD AND UPWARD!!

GRATITUDE

There have been a lot of sweet kindnesses from the Lord these past few weeks. And even in the mist of all my many weaknesses, He still choose to love and bless me.

COMPANIONSHIP INVENTORY
I wasn't planning on writing about this because it was way too personal to me, but I felt I should.

Did you ever have companionship inventory on the mission? To be quite honest, I didn't even really know what it was until the mission was over. What I gathered is that we were suppose to have a chat with our companion weekly... suggesting areas that we're great in and areas we could work on. When I think of this phrase it has a very negative impact on my brain. Ha, well a few weeks ago I found myself with a friend on evening. After discussing some pressing matters our conversation turned into an 1 1/2 "Let's fix Bryndi" night. I don't believe in coincidences so while all the areas I need to improve on were being pointed out, I tried to keep my mind clear and open to what was being said. My friend was not trying to attack or hurt me. So that made me want to make sure I grabbed all truth out of what was being said. In a way I am so thankful the curfew hit and I needed to leave. It had been a long inventory night.

I got home it was 12:30. I scolded 3 batches of blueberries to dry for Kiss as the tears just started to come.

The day had been okay. It was ward temple night which always makes me happy. I had seen Becca in the temple and she saved a place for me to sit by here in the endowment--and that was just a kind spoiling from the Lord. In the celestial room I pleaded with the Lord to forgive my weaknesses and all the many sins that like Nephi says, "so easily beset" me. A friend after the temple, not knowing what I was pleading for, shared his insight and thought that it was cool that we always fall short because of imperfections. And this was part of the plan. That is how the plan was set up. We need/ed the Savior of course and His atonement to make us whole. Of course I knew that, but what a sweet reminder in the moment of longing for little stupit things to not be such huge temptations. Things that shouldn't even tempt me== little sins that really do beset me.

Well with the night I had already had, I started to conclude that all that my friend had said was true. I started to cry bitterly. I was embarrassed to be seen in the sight of the Lord for not doing all the things my friend said I ought to be doing with my life.

Just as luck would have it (I know it was not by chance) I had not had the opportunity to read the scriptures for the day. It was nearing 1:30 AM and my heart was tormented as with my head with all the things I was not. As I opened my scriptures, I had the impression to read D&C 25. --Now, I am a very read it in order and don't jump around type of girl when I am doing intense study for understanding the flow of the scriptures. I was not scheduled to read D&C 25 for another week with my patterned. But the prompting came and I opened. I actually opened my scriptures fully expecting to be rebuked a little bit and to have the Lord confirm all the things my friend had shared with me...so as I opened up I cried even more bitterly at the thought of Heavenly Father confirming my fears.

Oh the kindness of a loving Father in heaven. This scripture read could have not been more personal and was equal and maybe even slightly more powerful in a way, then my own pblessing. In stead of the Lord confirming everything my friend had put on my "bryndi need's to change" list...in the most personal, and only the way a parent could--said through this section of scripture almost everything opposite of what my friend had said. By the second verse my bitter crying (now when I say bitter it was not a hatred cry or a mean one, but a no comfort and ashamed cry) - this bitter cry turned to uncontrollable sobs of gratitude! Gratitude for the Lord's kindness in speaking to me so personally through section 25.

I didn't finish my study until after 3 AM because I was crying extremely hard for thankfulness. Every sentience struck a chord with me... at the end of the read I received amazing revelation with who I am--and more importantly, who God knows me to be and is okay with who I am and what I am doing with my life. Now this said, I don't claim to have it all together. And those that are closest to me know that I am light years away from even coming close to having my life in balance/order. But I do know that God loves me. And He is okay with me being Bryndi-quirks and all. He is okay with what I am doing in my life and where my focuses are.

I only share just a piece of the emotion/experience I had that night for it is so sacred to me that I don't have words to describe what happened.

Ironically one week from the day, I found myself back in a car with this same friend. I had avoided any chance of being alone with this person, but it seemed to be that we were destined to be alone yet again.

The conversation took off, and some of the same comments from the week before were said, but this time--I KNEW what God thought of me, and I was not shaken, or disturbed. In fact, I don't know if I have felt more strong and sure of me. My friend was a little taken back at my confidence and not budging. And although the first 20 mins into the conversation I was praying to get out of it... we chatted until midnight and I think we both were edified with what took place, well I can't speak for my friend, but I can for myself. :D

I have to smile with all of this, because I know my friend did not have mean motives, or intended to be so intense with analyzing my life--this just goes to show that we all have a path to walk on, and it's okay. My friend's path is not my path, nor is my path their path. In terms of the gospel path--well that should be for all of us, but the things the Lord would have me do, my talents, energies, focus, may not be what he is having others focus on, and IT'S OKAY! We are all here for a reason, and we have our own personal missions to fill.


HIS SHEEP KNOW HIS VOICE
This morning as I walked into the temple I was greeted by one of the most Angelic/Christlike person I know! My mom! She and my Dad are the newest Provo temple workers. They started a few weeks ago, but today was my first time seeing them dressed in white with their name tags on.

My mom has longed to be a temple worker. And it was just last year we were all waiting around the hospital bed praying that Dad would have yet another day to live. Oh how kind Heavenly Father is to us! It was wonderful to see her smiling face. The shift coordinator could not have picked a better face/person to greet people at 5:30 AM in the morning than my mom! She can make sunshine rays look dull compared to the light she radiates.

As I went into the endowment room, I held my breath a little hoping to see my Dad in there. What kid gets to see their folks work in the temple?! I didn't get my wish that time, but I stilled smiled over the thought that he was serving somewhere in the temple.

As the session finished and I walked towards the next part, even 15 feet away I heard my Dad speak! I could not see him, and there were at least a dozen other men speaking all at the same time, but I could hear my dad clearly and knew the exact spot where he stood. To my mind came the scripture John 10:27 "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me". All the other men sounded like muffle to me, but because I know my Dad's voice I could hear him above all the rest!

I was filled with pride and gratitude, as I pondered on the tender mercy that the Lord allowed my Dad to work in the temple with my mom. As I walked into the celestial room I then was able to not only hear my dad's voice, but see him. I tapped him as I walked by. How sacred it was to see my parents serving in the House of the Lord, as workers. We all have come such a long way to get where we are right now. And although we have yet still a long way to go, I am filled with deep gratitude to the Lord for letting my parents--with ready/willing/wanting hearts--serve in His house! It is several, several years of miracles to bring us to this point!

I pray that I will be able to hear and heed the Savior's voice above all the other voices that surround me. And that I can be one of His lambs.

SHE PRAYED FOR ME
I went to the church after work today to meet my visiting teachers. They caught me last night and asked if they could teach me today. Honestly-can there be a much sweeter sight then visiting teachers setting up and wanting to do their visits?! Granted, I my girls always feel a little pressure not to miss me and sometimes I wish they would miss me if it meant that they would just see their other sister, but nonetheless, I am so thankful for their devotion.

Well I said, what could be more sweeter? Well, I found something...!

One sister couldn't make it, so the other sweet sister and I sat on the grass as we chatted. She mentioned to me that when she opened the lesson and saw that it was on scripture study she thought to herself that it didn't apply to me and she became a little discouraged with what she could share to help me. I was about to protest that even though I have a habit of study, I can always learn something more or study harder, but before I could get anything else she said she prayed what to know to share with me. She felt to share with me that even when we are not in school, we can still learn great things and keep learning. She said it so tenderly. My eyes became wet. Just this past week as friends were graduating, and I thought of my degree still years away I became sad. Not trying to doubt the Lord's will/plan for me, but still always feeling guilty that I am not in school like everyone else. I hate that I encourage all the sisters to get an education and follow the prophet's council and I myself, am not in school/don't have a degree. It feels like living a double standard. But I am trusting and I do have Faith in God's time line for me.

And even with these thoughts that creeped into me the last few weeks, thoughts I try to blow out of the water with faith... this sweet sister was promoted to remind me of a testimony that I had already been given through a handful of blessings and promptings...I am learning a ton right now, but not through the course of a degree/school work atmosphere, and this is pleasing to the Lord.

She then followed up on a situation I had shared with her the previous month. I told her that after almost four years a miracle had taken place and I had closure in the most beautiful way on a situation that had caused me quite a bit of anxiety.

I have previously (almost 4 years) prayed for closure on a situation, but found none. I found trust in the Lord and his promptings/timings, but yet my heart had some awesomely huge holes.

I excitedly shared how I had had miraculous closure come. She was extremely happy for me. She expressed how she had prayed to the Lord asking him that things would either work out or just to give me closure and peace in the situation I found myself in. Her comment stuck an emotional pool. I was so taken aback that she had prayed so personally for ME--someone she only has taught for the month before and other then saying hi and loving each other- we don't ever play or sit down and chat. Still a little taken back I said (more as a shock statement, then a question) "You prayed for me!?". her answer was true and classic for who she is she said, "Of course Bryndi, I am your visiting teacher".

The wheels in my head started turning and almost as if the spirit was laying some of the puzzle pieces before my eyes. I had wondered why in the world this situation had resolved in my heart but for the previous 3 1/2 years I could never get it to. And so clear and beautiful was the closure that I longed for that, that I had to question what happened to make the closure finally come. Why this time? Why not sometime in the last 3 1/2 + years?

Now, there are a lot of factors I am sure played into this, most of all the learnings, I have not a clue nor do I understand the last 3 1/2 years of promptings, but one huge factor I am sure for--MY VISITING TEACHER PRAYED FOR ME! ANd not just a please bless my girls prayer, but an actual sincere pleading in MY behalf! Twice! Once for this situation I was in, and then feeling like she was inadequate with the lesson to teach me anything, she asked what I could/needed to hear. !!What kinder act of service then a prayer full of sincere faith in behalf of someone you feel powerless to help!? How would she have known what to pray for in regards to me, had she not taken the time to do her visits?!

She took things to the Lord, for me. I was deeply moved by this. I am still floored she cared enough to pray that way for me-me a girl she barely knows. I joked with her that if her prayers have that much pull to help me have closure after so long with out, she had just better start sincerely praying for my priesthood hunk to show up soon! ;) What a sweet daughter of God. I am humbled.

NOTE IN MY CAR
As I came out of the temple today, I found a little package/note in my car. I have no idea how my girlfriend got into the car because I am a freak when it comes to locking my car and house. But there was a sweet little note and a set of bird earrings and a matching necklace. It was so thoughtful.

You may be thinking what is up with Bryndi! It is a testimony of maybe where my head and heart were--the Lord sure did send me a lot of reminders to help combat all of the opposition the past few weeks. For which I am so grateful for!

BROTHER MADSEN
Sunday as we all waited for welfare, I figured something had to be up! Going to these meetings for over a year and all of a sudden the Bishopric just didn't show up without any cancellation?? Not normal. When we went into sacrament meeting, I noticed the different families sitting in the rows. And then how the whole stake presidency was on the stand, and there was NO Brother Madsen. When Bishop got up, he didn't excuse Brother Madsen. Too many things to be odd I thought.

The news was shared, the Lord had called Brother Madsen to be a bishop in our stake. My eyes had a steady leak for the rest of the meeting. I admit I had a 1/2 sec selfish thought of, NO, not my brother madsen!! But in knowing how much he has done for me, how could I be so selfish to keep him and deny so many others the blessings of having him in their lives!?!

It was just over a year ago that I was getting out of a meeting and I saw Brother Madsen in the hallway at church. He was not in my ward. I didn't know him well, but I had worked with his wonderful wife Holly in Young womens and his daughter had been my ward's YCL for 2 years at girls camp. But as I passed this man I thought how cool it would before me to get to work with him. The thought was not a prayer, nor a plead, but a silent wish that I did not see could ever come forth...

A few months later the singles ward was formed and little did I know then, but I would spend every Thursday and Sunday with this great giant of a man.

Never once when I brought over someone to receive a blessing did he ever question me or make me feel stupid for doing so. Whenever I would share about a prompting or insight he was always supporting me with smiles or his little comments that only he could do. In so many ways he made me what to live my life better. In so many ways I am still trying to become the person he already thinks me to be. In so many ways, my life has been blessed by this amazing man of God. You could not ask for a better quiet cheerleader. My whole bishopric is like that. And when I used to say I have the best bishopric in the world... well now there are two of them! Because where ever Brother- sorry- BISHOP Madsen is serving, his ward/bishopric will be greatly blessed to have such a man in their presence.

I composed myself for RS, but as soon as I went into Bishop's office to for an approval, I was flooded with the fact that I would no longer enjoy seeing Brother Madsen sitting in that office. And the tears just started to flow from there on. I took Silvia home and for 15 mins we just listed to motab because I was too overcome to keep a conversation going. Overcome with deep gratitude! Gratitude that this amazing man and his wonderful wife came/were brought into my life and that I WAS blessed to have them for over a year. So many things--if I were married, (and don't get me wrong I want to be some day) but I would not have had this opportunity to have gotten the chance to work with Bishop Larson, Brother Madsen and Brother Stringham. Three men that have influenced my life profusely. And I am very thankful the Lord is still allowing me to keep Bishop Larson and Brother Stringham. And the new Brother Murray seems awesome. Yea to the ward family that now gets to claim Bishop Madsen--their lives will never be the same. Mine isn't...

Here's to one amazing Man of God! Who is full of integrity, honor, and in whom no guile can be found. Here is to an eternal friend. May every person be so blessed to have such a friend...Bishop Madsen.


I couldn't think what else to title this post, other then Gratitude. Oh to a God that doesn't forsake us in our time/need of comfort. Oh to parents who have been allowed and have chosen to serve in the temple! Parents who taught me to love the Savior. Oh to the visiting teacher that prayers, sincerely, for the welfare/well being of her teachee. Oh to the friend who leaves inspired notes. And Oh to a bishopric that believes and loves their ward members. Oh to a Brother Madsen who has taught me more deeply how to love our fellow men.

My cup is overflowing tonight...drinking from my saucer yet again!

STANDING STILL

Meet Lee and Gerry Shepherd--My adopted grandparents!
For the 4th of July weekend we happened to run into each other at the Scofield fair. It is always quite emotional for me to be around these wonderful, faithful folks, for they mean so much to me.

Gerry has been fighting Thyroid and Lymphoma Cancer for some time now. Food has not been her best friend lately.

Thursday I felt impressed that I needed to go to their house the next day. So strong was the impression that I planned my whole morning around the visit.

As I drove to their house, I noticed that Lee's car was gone. As I went and knocked on the door, I was a little quizzical as to why the Lord would send me to an empty house...but I have a testimony of spending a whole night driving around to see different girls (following promptings as to what house to go to) none of which were home--just so that someone in the stake would drive by at the exact time I was getting in my car from the last empty house visit. She call me up because she saw me going to my car and a needed conversation was given in depth for 20 mins. Why all the empty home visits with promptings? Just for the one Stake gal who needed a friend. God does care about the one!

Gerry finally came to the side door. She didn't open the door but just started signing to me. She had medical gloves on her hands.

I stood on my tippy toes and pressed my face against the top of the glass to make out what she was trying to tell me:.

I was not to come in. She was to be in her house by herself for over a week to try and get her body to respond/become more healthy. I could feel her frustration and sorrow as I watched her sign.

I felt helpless. I couldn't give her a hug, I couldn't wipe away her tears. All I could do was sign through the glass and press an "I Love You" hand to the window.

What a brave, strong woman of God.

I walked back to my car as my cheeks glistening in the sun. I knew only the Savior knew of her loneliness and her struggle to fight the cancer, her fears for the future, and her faith for the present. I know that although her husband and daughter had to leave her house and she was physically alone--I know she was not "alone". I pulled away weeping while I prayed aloud...

What a strength to me! Endurance and long suffering in all things. Thanks Grandma Shepherd for the example you have set up. I know you love God. I know He loves you!

GRATITUDE

These last few days have been a whirl win of emotions. Seemed like Satan was out for blood.

Sunday, I felt I had every reason in the world to pray and plead for help but during church, Yazmin reminded everyone that we need to be filled with gratitude. I had the distinct impression while sitting in sacrament that for the rest of the day I was only to speak gratitude in my prayers. A few situations came up that I was floored with what to do and my natural reaction is to pray for help--but I was reminded again by the spirit that I was only to pray words of gratitude and thanks.

It was a very interesting, but extremely rewarding day of prayer. At times I felt frustrated and like a ship without a rudder, however the Lord did not forsake me! He taught me some important lessons, for which I am grateful for. Sometimes we are to just count our many blessings- naming them one by one- and then we ARE surprised by what the Lord done.

How is it possible for me to forget all the Lord has done?! For he spoils me every day. And yet in the middle of my beautiful garden, I sometimes only focus not on all the flowers and wonderful fruit trees, but rather the mosquitoes and black biting ants. When I focus on those "little" guys, I miss all the amazing things that make up the whole garden!

Count your many blessings was my theme song for Sunday, and it helped me get through some very trying moments.

TEMPLE

Today brought the temple! I haven't gone to the 5:40 AM session in a long time. Usually I make the 6 AM session, but the 20 mins earlier seems to be a natural killer at times! :) But this morning I went, and the place was packed. I was filled with love and admiration for those who seemed so perky and happy to be in the temple that early.

I was able to spend 15 mins alone in the celestial room. Oh how I want my house to be like His house!

VISITING TEACHING

Tonight I went VTing and was touched by my wonderful companion Katie. The lesson was on Temples and having the girls prepare to go to them. Katie found a book from Dessert Book for each of the girls to help them prepare for the temple. She was so excited to give them the book. I watched as her eyes twinkled and she lit up like a Christmas tree as she gave them out.

Oh it was a beautiful thing to see people do the things they are good at. Serving, listening, giving, hugging, talking, singing--whatever their element is that they like to use to share with/bless others--it is a beautiful thing to watch!

STOP, AND STAND STILL

Tonight I finished D&C 5 at the church. Four times it talks about being humble. There are great blessings for being humble and some pretty harsh consequences when we are not. That was for me. And even more, verse 34 seemed to leap into my heart and in a quite way, that only the spirit can do, I felt the words of the verse were written just for me.
God spoke to my heart: Stop worrying, stop stressing and stand still Bryn. I will prepare away for things I have promised you.

I apologized for how I had been and begged for help to be better and to some how get past all the feelings I had been feeling....and for the first time in 4 days, I was filled with great peace. I was filled with a resolve to trust Him more fully and to not worry. He IS in control and that is okay.

So for this random post that I totally broke my bed curfew to type :)--know that I am a counter of my blessings! One by one and am/do ENJOY all the things God has done! I am confident in/with the Gardner of my garden, and I have full faith in His plans to help me grow and become as beautiful inside and out as I promised Him I would be. I have STOPPED my worrying and am standing still.

Daughter of God--in the making.

MEET ROSILINNE

Yesterday I left work feeling I needed to head over to the mall and go to a store where I had met a sweet single mom in one of the stores. I gave her a Book of Mormon and challanged her to read it and find if it was true for herself. My prompting to the mall, I figured was just to follow up with her. She was there and she had started to read and admitted that the past week, she got all through 1 Nephi and had felt a difference in her life. It was wonderful to reconnect with her! I left her store with yet a 3rd hat and felt I was good to go over to the Church. I figured she was my only reason for going to the mall. And anyone who really knows me KNOWS I hate shopping with a passion. I almost rather go to the dentist! So there was no reason to stay any longer at the mall.

As I walked out of the mall, I noticed 3 boys dressed in black with piercings all over and black spiky hair, walking in front of me. In front of them was a woman in an electric wheel chair. I didn't think she was moving fast enough for these boys and I was curious how they would react to her. They all cut in front of her as she tried to make the handycap door open... and then, after they cut in front of her, one held the door open so this woman could get through. I could not help but smile at their kindness. They held the door open for me too and I remarked to them that we needed more people in the world that are considerate of others. What I thought were boys, turned out to be men! I was impressed by their kindness.

Well, I got talking to this woman and just felt drawn to her. The past few weeks I have prayed over feeling like I was not a great neighbor because I am just never home to care for those who live around me. And I have expressed my desire to care for those wiser in years then myself.

My heart has been turned in stores whenever I see a sweet older man/woman sitting with their grocery cart--I find myself making sure they catch my wide grin as I walk by. I have had quite a few sessions of prayer letting the Lord know I really want to be my brothers keep and love those around me. Well Ros was the answer to much prayer.

Rosilinne fell asleep while driving back in 1993 and was hit by a bus. When she was taken to the hospital she had so many things broken and messed up the doctors could not believe she was alive.

She told me of her struggles to get better. She spent almost a year in the LDS hospital trying to have her body rebuilt. And yet, here this peppy woman was at the Mall-- in her electric chair--buying flat bread (that you can find in the food court) for her sister's family of 8. She told me she often comes for several hours to the mall and goes and watches movie after movie just to get out of her place. She told me how she loved transformers and thought that Star Trek was quite good. Ros is paralyzed on her left side (complications from the accident and a stroke) but here this peppy little lady was out living life to the fullest! She told me how people tend to not know what to do with her because her body would make you think she was a vegetable. But she loves them anyway and tries to help them understand that she is quite capable.

It started to rain so we went back into the mall court and for an hour just talked while we waited for her bus to come.

Ros was a school teacher and after her accident she still tried to help trouble teens. She would often tell them, "You are not going to recognize me when I am resurrected because I am going to be one hot chick!" I got a great chuckle out of that and told her I might have to adopt the same thought.

We talked of great things and then she told me that she went to the temple every week. I was surprised a bit by this because of her limitations with her physical body. I asked her why she did this, and she told me that when she dies, she doesn't want Jesus asking her, "Ros, what did you do with your life". So faithfully every week Ros goes to the temple with her sister. She does 2 or 3 sections in a row!

With tears in her eyes she commented that she hoped that Heavenly Father would recognize her desire to do something with her life even though it was very difficult and sometimes quite painful to accomplish even the basic tasks.

My cup was filled! We exchanged info and I watched her bus pick up her electric chair and then drive away. I had to say a pray of thanks for meeting such a determined woman. A woman who was living her life, not just existing.

That was last night... and then this morning, as I am waiting in the lobby of the Timp temple to do initiatory (45 min wait to even get into the locker room) I looked up from Moroni 7 to see a woman shuffling very slowly past me. I stood up and quite loudly said, "Ros?!! IS that you?!" And there after 20 secs of just trying to make her body turn towards me--it was Ros!! What a fun, unexpected reunion!

This week I have been studying in Moroni and I love the words written there... having a determination to serve him to the end.
What an example the Lord placed before me last night and this morning--Rosilinne IS determined to serve the Lord UNTIL the end. Even when life is quite difficult, she is still serving, hoping, praying, believing, and smiling wherever she goes.

Can I say the same for me?!

"WATER, I NEED WATER"

Last night was such a special night in the temple. Every time I go I love it, but tonight was consuming, (in a good way.) Stake conference is this weekend and the whole stake presidency joined our ward temple night. I was filled with admiration and spilling love. As I looked around the endowment room there were many faces from our stake. My heart was full as I thought about the chance to enter into God's presence with such wonderful people-my brothers and sisters in the gospel. I longed for all my friends, family and my ward to be with me. We all need the temple in our life.

A woman got out of her seat and mumbled that she needed something. I couldn't quite make out what she said, but I noticed how awful she looked. She was white and she could barely stay standing. I thought she might pass out. Sweet Sister Born took her out and I heard the woman say, "Water, I need water". Sister Born offered her juice (I am sure because of how completely off this woman looked.) She just kept saying, "No, I just need water, I need water".

Within 5 mins the sister came back with a little glass of water. She sat down. And like my friend from a few days ago, it was a complete night and day change. This woman was revived! The color was back in her face and she was not wobbly on her feet.

This woman knew what she needed - water.

One of my favorite stories in the New testament - okay so I have lots, but on my "lots" list--I have listed is John 5:

2 Now there is at Jerusalem by the sheep market a pool, which is called in the Hebrew tongue Bethesda, having five porches.

3 In these lay a great multitude of impotent folk, of blind, halt, withered, waiting for the moving of the water.

4 For an angel went down at a certain season into the pool, and troubled the water: whosoever then first after the troubling of the water stepped in was made whole of whatsoever disease he had.

5 And a certain man was there, which had an infirmity thirty and eight years.

6 When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?

7 The impotent man answered him, Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool: but while I am coming, another steppeth down before me.

8 Jesus saith unto him, Rise, take up thy bed, and walk.

9 And immediately the man was made whole, and took up his bed, and walked: and on the same day was the sabbath.

This picture hangs in my room. It is the one art piece that I have spent actual money on getting framed! It is one of my most favorite paintings.
Impotent means = lacking bodily strength or physically helpless, no power (dictionary.com). An angel troubled the water so that whenever the water would move, the first person in the water was healed of whatever infirmity they had.

One man sat by the edge of the pool for 38 years. When the Savior, who knew how long the man had been waiting by the pool, came over him, He asked the man how 'Wilt though be made whole'. The man then told him his story of having no one to help him into the pool. Jesus tells him to rise and take up his bed and walk. (I love the fact that he does this on the Sabbath! Great insight to what our Sabbath days should be filled with--HEALING! How can we know how long someone has been in their condition if we are not visiting/going to where they are. Oh, too good! I will have to leave this awesome Sabbath example for anther day.:))

If you will look closely at this picture, what do you notice about the water?
It is like a sheet, no ripples at all. I had a wise teacher point out WHO is Christ?--He is the Living Water. Ask yourself then: How often is Christ's water moving?

Always!

!!!

This man waited by the pool for 38 years. How long do I wade through my afflictions/infirmities -- waiting for the moving of the water, when really I just need to go to the true source!

In a different view, maybe we are called to bare a curtain situation/trial burden for a longer period of time then we would like. This man's trial was 38 years long. There are folks in the scriptures with similar stories. The woman in Matt had an "issue of blood" for 12 years! Sometimes our Gethsemane can last for years.

I have a dear friend, whom I love, that has Lupus. Among the physical trials of this disease--recently his kidneys have threatened to fail. One evening as he laid on his couch he wondered how he could go on. He was ill, and felt he might even die. Following a prompting, he was led to read this quote:

“I recognize that, on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, ‘Why?’ I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated. I know that an all-wise Heavenly Father’s perspective is much broader than is ours. While we know of our mortal problems and pain, He knows of our immortal progress and potential. If we pray to know His will and submit ourselves to it with patience and courage, heavenly healing can take place in His own way and time.”

-Russell M. Nelson, “Jesus Christ—the Master Healer”

Very ill and not knowing if he could make it, his home teachers came over and gave him a blessing. He still doesn't know what the outcome will be, but if you talked to him, you would never know how much he suffers--for gladness and trust in God is all that he will let escape his mouth. I was deeply moved after hearing his courage and his optimism in God's plan for him--even in the mist of his suffering.

In whatever we are called to bare-may we keep the faith as we "bare" it for however long.

Or maybe we are not waiting by the water at all, but someone round us/near us is! Am I helping them to Christ? Am I sensitive to the infirmity they have?

We are all impotent to an extent! = lacking bodily strength or physically helpless, no power. We all need "water"!

So it is for our life. Christ is our water source: He is the Living Water! The water which if we partake of, we shall have eternal life! His water is ever lasting and always renewing. He is the one true reviver, He can satisfy our thirst and bring "life" into our lives! He can satisfy our wants, He can sooth the waves of our sorrow, He can calm the storms of contention and He can cause us to walk-on/get through impossible venues, even the ones that seem to last forever. He is the one true fount! His water is healing.

...every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters. (Isa. 55: 1 (2 Ne. 9: 50)
...they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters. (Jer. 2: 13)
...asked of him, and he would have given thee living water. (John 4: 10)
...any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink. (John 7: 37)
...lead them unto living fountains of waters. (Rev. 7: 17)
...I will give unto him . . . of the water of life freely. (Rev. 21: 6)
...fountain of living waters, or . . . the love of God. (1 Ne. 11: 25)
...partake of the waters of life freely. (D&C 10: 66)
...same shall be in him a well of living water. (D&C 63: 23)

He can cause us to BE WHOLE. Now whether we are made whole from an actual physical infirmity or made whole from:

bad habits
addictions
depression
sadness
lusts
vices
anger
rudeness
doubt
despair
misery
grief
judgment
bad thoughts
unbridled tongue

...whatever it is-His water is always moving. . .He is always healing.

Back to the woman in the temple. All she had/wanted was water, and when she drank, the color came back into her cheeks and her physical body came back into order. The effect of the water was immediate! When offered juice, she knew it would not satisfy. She knew the source she needed to drink from and she did drink--and was made whole.

So it is for me! I know what "true" source will satisfy.


"Water, I need water" = LIVING WATER! :D