COMPANIONSHIP INVENTORY
I wasn't planning on writing about this because it was way too personal to me, but I felt I should.
Did you ever have companionship inventory on the mission? To be quite honest, I didn't even really know what it was until the mission was over. What I gathered is that we were suppose to have a chat with our companion weekly... suggesting areas that we're great in and areas we could work on. When I think of this phrase it has a very negative impact on my brain. Ha, well a few weeks ago I found myself with a friend on evening. After discussing some pressing matters our conversation turned into an 1 1/2 "Let's fix Bryndi" night. I don't believe in coincidences so while all the areas I need to improve on were being pointed out, I tried to keep my mind clear and open to what was being said. My friend was not trying to attack or hurt me. So that made me want to make sure I grabbed all truth out of what was being said. In a way I am so thankful the curfew hit and I needed to leave. It had been a long inventory night.
I got home it was 12:30. I scolded 3 batches of blueberries to dry for Kiss as the tears just started to come.
The day had been okay. It was ward temple night which always makes me happy. I had seen Becca in the temple and she saved a place for me to sit by here in the endowment--and that was just a kind spoiling from the Lord. In the celestial room I pleaded with the Lord to forgive my weaknesses and all the many sins that like Nephi says, "so easily beset" me. A friend after the temple, not knowing what I was pleading for, shared his insight and thought that it was cool that we always fall short because of imperfections. And this was part of the plan. That is how the plan was set up. We need/ed the Savior of course and His atonement to make us whole. Of course I knew that, but what a sweet reminder in the moment of longing for little stupit things to not be such huge temptations. Things that shouldn't even tempt me== little sins that really do beset me.
Well with the night I had already had, I started to conclude that all that my friend had said was true. I started to cry bitterly. I was embarrassed to be seen in the sight of the Lord for not doing all the things my friend said I ought to be doing with my life.
Just as luck would have it (I know it was not by chance) I had not had the opportunity to read the scriptures for the day. It was nearing 1:30 AM and my heart was tormented as with my head with all the things I was not. As I opened my scriptures, I had the impression to read D&C 25. --Now, I am a very read it in order and don't jump around type of girl when I am doing intense study for understanding the flow of the scriptures. I was not scheduled to read D&C 25 for another week with my patterned. But the prompting came and I opened. I actually opened my scriptures fully expecting to be rebuked a little bit and to have the Lord confirm all the things my friend had shared with me...so as I opened up I cried even more bitterly at the thought of Heavenly Father confirming my fears.
Oh the kindness of a loving Father in heaven. This scripture read could have not been more personal and was equal and maybe even slightly more powerful in a way, then my own pblessing. In stead of the Lord confirming everything my friend had put on my "bryndi need's to change" list...in the most personal, and only the way a parent could--said through this section of scripture almost everything opposite of what my friend had said. By the second verse my bitter crying (now when I say bitter it was not a hatred cry or a mean one, but a no comfort and ashamed cry) - this bitter cry turned to uncontrollable sobs of gratitude! Gratitude for the Lord's kindness in speaking to me so personally through section 25.
I didn't finish my study until after 3 AM because I was crying extremely hard for thankfulness. Every sentience struck a chord with me... at the end of the read I received amazing revelation with who I am--and more importantly, who God knows me to be and is okay with who I am and what I am doing with my life. Now this said, I don't claim to have it all together. And those that are closest to me know that I am light years away from even coming close to having my life in balance/order. But I do know that God loves me. And He is okay with me being Bryndi-quirks and all. He is okay with what I am doing in my life and where my focuses are.
I only share just a piece of the emotion/experience I had that night for it is so sacred to me that I don't have words to describe what happened.
Ironically one week from the day, I found myself back in a car with this same friend. I had avoided any chance of being alone with this person, but it seemed to be that we were destined to be alone yet again.
The conversation took off, and some of the same comments from the week before were said, but this time--I KNEW what God thought of me, and I was not shaken, or disturbed. In fact, I don't know if I have felt more strong and sure of me. My friend was a little taken back at my confidence and not budging. And although the first 20 mins into the conversation I was praying to get out of it... we chatted until midnight and I think we both were edified with what took place, well I can't speak for my friend, but I can for myself. :D
I have to smile with all of this, because I know my friend did not have mean motives, or intended to be so intense with analyzing my life--this just goes to show that we all have a path to walk on, and it's okay. My friend's path is not my path, nor is my path their path. In terms of the gospel path--well that should be for all of us, but the things the Lord would have me do, my talents, energies, focus, may not be what he is having others focus on, and IT'S OKAY! We are all here for a reason, and we have our own personal missions to fill.
HIS SHEEP KNOW HIS VOICE
This morning as I walked into the temple I was greeted by one of the most Angelic/Christlike person I know! My mom! She and my Dad are the newest Provo temple workers. They started a few weeks ago, but today was my first time seeing them dressed in white with their name tags on.
My mom has longed to be a temple worker. And it was just last year we were all waiting around the hospital bed praying that Dad would have yet another day to live. Oh how kind Heavenly Father is to us! It was wonderful to see her smiling face. The shift coordinator could not have picked a better face/person to greet people at 5:30 AM in the morning than my mom! She can make sunshine rays look dull compared to the light she radiates.
As I went into the endowment room, I held my breath a little hoping to see my Dad in there. What kid gets to see their folks work in the temple?! I didn't get my wish that time, but I stilled smiled over the thought that he was serving somewhere in the temple.
As the session finished and I walked towards the next part, even 15 feet away I heard my Dad speak! I could not see him, and there were at least a dozen other men speaking all at the same time, but I could hear my dad clearly and knew the exact spot where he stood. To my mind came the scripture John 10:27 "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me". All the other men sounded like muffle to me, but because I know my Dad's voice I could hear him above all the rest!
I was filled with pride and gratitude, as I pondered on the tender mercy that the Lord allowed my Dad to work in the temple with my mom. As I walked into the celestial room I then was able to not only hear my dad's voice, but see him. I tapped him as I walked by. How sacred it was to see my parents serving in the House of the Lord, as workers. We all have come such a long way to get where we are right now. And although we have yet still a long way to go, I am filled with deep gratitude to the Lord for letting my parents--with ready/willing/wanting hearts--serve in His house! It is several, several years of miracles to bring us to this point!
I pray that I will be able to hear and heed the Savior's voice above all the other voices that surround me. And that I can be one of His lambs.
SHE PRAYED FOR ME
I went to the church after work today to meet my visiting teachers. They caught me last night and asked if they could teach me today. Honestly-can there be a much sweeter sight then visiting teachers setting up and wanting to do their visits?! Granted, I my girls always feel a little pressure not to miss me and sometimes I wish they would miss me if it meant that they would just see their other sister, but nonetheless, I am so thankful for their devotion.
Well I said, what could be more sweeter? Well, I found something...!
One sister couldn't make it, so the other sweet sister and I sat on the grass as we chatted. She mentioned to me that when she opened the lesson and saw that it was on scripture study she thought to herself that it didn't apply to me and she became a little discouraged with what she could share to help me. I was about to protest that even though I have a habit of study, I can always learn something more or study harder, but before I could get anything else she said she prayed what to know to share with me. She felt to share with me that even when we are not in school, we can still learn great things and keep learning. She said it so tenderly. My eyes became wet. Just this past week as friends were graduating, and I thought of my degree still years away I became sad. Not trying to doubt the Lord's will/plan for me, but still always feeling guilty that I am not in school like everyone else. I hate that I encourage all the sisters to get an education and follow the prophet's council and I myself, am not in school/don't have a degree. It feels like living a double standard. But I am trusting and I do have Faith in God's time line for me.
And even with these thoughts that creeped into me the last few weeks, thoughts I try to blow out of the water with faith... this sweet sister was promoted to remind me of a testimony that I had already been given through a handful of blessings and promptings...I am learning a ton right now, but not through the course of a degree/school work atmosphere, and this is pleasing to the Lord.
She then followed up on a situation I had shared with her the previous month. I told her that after almost four years a miracle had taken place and I had closure in the most beautiful way on a situation that had caused me quite a bit of anxiety.
I have previously (almost 4 years) prayed for closure on a situation, but found none. I found trust in the Lord and his promptings/timings, but yet my heart had some awesomely huge holes.
I excitedly shared how I had had miraculous closure come. She was extremely happy for me. She expressed how she had prayed to the Lord asking him that things would either work out or just to give me closure and peace in the situation I found myself in. Her comment stuck an emotional pool. I was so taken aback that she had prayed so personally for ME--someone she only has taught for the month before and other then saying hi and loving each other- we don't ever play or sit down and chat. Still a little taken back I said (more as a shock statement, then a question) "You prayed for me!?". her answer was true and classic for who she is she said, "Of course Bryndi, I am your visiting teacher".
The wheels in my head started turning and almost as if the spirit was laying some of the puzzle pieces before my eyes. I had wondered why in the world this situation had resolved in my heart but for the previous 3 1/2 years I could never get it to. And so clear and beautiful was the closure that I longed for that, that I had to question what happened to make the closure finally come. Why this time? Why not sometime in the last 3 1/2 + years?
Now, there are a lot of factors I am sure played into this, most of all the learnings, I have not a clue nor do I understand the last 3 1/2 years of promptings, but one huge factor I am sure for--MY VISITING TEACHER PRAYED FOR ME! ANd not just a please bless my girls prayer, but an actual sincere pleading in MY behalf! Twice! Once for this situation I was in, and then feeling like she was inadequate with the lesson to teach me anything, she asked what I could/needed to hear. !!What kinder act of service then a prayer full of sincere faith in behalf of someone you feel powerless to help!? How would she have known what to pray for in regards to me, had she not taken the time to do her visits?!
She took things to the Lord, for me. I was deeply moved by this. I am still floored she cared enough to pray that way for me-me a girl she barely knows. I joked with her that if her prayers have that much pull to help me have closure after so long with out, she had just better start sincerely praying for my priesthood hunk to show up soon! ;) What a sweet daughter of God. I am humbled.
NOTE IN MY CAR
As I came out of the temple today, I found a little package/note in my car. I have no idea how my girlfriend got into the car because I am a freak when it comes to locking my car and house. But there was a sweet little note and a set of bird earrings and a matching necklace. It was so thoughtful.
You may be thinking what is up with Bryndi! It is a testimony of maybe where my head and heart were--the Lord sure did send me a lot of reminders to help combat all of the opposition the past few weeks. For which I am so grateful for!
BROTHER MADSEN
Sunday as we all waited for welfare, I figured something had to be up! Going to these meetings for over a year and all of a sudden the Bishopric just didn't show up without any cancellation?? Not normal. When we went into sacrament meeting, I noticed the different families sitting in the rows. And then how the whole stake presidency was on the stand, and there was NO Brother Madsen. When Bishop got up, he didn't excuse Brother Madsen. Too many things to be odd I thought.
The news was shared, the Lord had called Brother Madsen to be a bishop in our stake. My eyes had a steady leak for the rest of the meeting. I admit I had a 1/2 sec selfish thought of, NO, not my brother madsen!! But in knowing how much he has done for me, how could I be so selfish to keep him and deny so many others the blessings of having him in their lives!?!
It was just over a year ago that I was getting out of a meeting and I saw Brother Madsen in the hallway at church. He was not in my ward. I didn't know him well, but I had worked with his wonderful wife Holly in Young womens and his daughter had been my ward's YCL for 2 years at girls camp. But as I passed this man I thought how cool it would before me to get to work with him. The thought was not a prayer, nor a plead, but a silent wish that I did not see could ever come forth...
A few months later the singles ward was formed and little did I know then, but I would spend every Thursday and Sunday with this great giant of a man.
Never once when I brought over someone to receive a blessing did he ever question me or make me feel stupid for doing so. Whenever I would share about a prompting or insight he was always supporting me with smiles or his little comments that only he could do. In so many ways he made me what to live my life better. In so many ways I am still trying to become the person he already thinks me to be. In so many ways, my life has been blessed by this amazing man of God. You could not ask for a better quiet cheerleader. My whole bishopric is like that. And when I used to say I have the best bishopric in the world... well now there are two of them! Because where ever Brother- sorry- BISHOP Madsen is serving, his ward/bishopric will be greatly blessed to have such a man in their presence.
I composed myself for RS, but as soon as I went into Bishop's office to for an approval, I was flooded with the fact that I would no longer enjoy seeing Brother Madsen sitting in that office. And the tears just started to flow from there on. I took Silvia home and for 15 mins we just listed to motab because I was too overcome to keep a conversation going. Overcome with deep gratitude! Gratitude that this amazing man and his wonderful wife came/were brought into my life and that I WAS blessed to have them for over a year. So many things--if I were married, (and don't get me wrong I want to be some day) but I would not have had this opportunity to have gotten the chance to work with Bishop Larson, Brother Madsen and Brother Stringham. Three men that have influenced my life profusely. And I am very thankful the Lord is still allowing me to keep Bishop Larson and Brother Stringham. And the new Brother Murray seems awesome. Yea to the ward family that now gets to claim Bishop Madsen--their lives will never be the same. Mine isn't...
Here's to one amazing Man of God! Who is full of integrity, honor, and in whom no guile can be found. Here is to an eternal friend. May every person be so blessed to have such a friend...Bishop Madsen.
I couldn't think what else to title this post, other then Gratitude. Oh to a God that doesn't forsake us in our time/need of comfort. Oh to parents who have been allowed and have chosen to serve in the temple! Parents who taught me to love the Savior. Oh to the visiting teacher that prayers, sincerely, for the welfare/well being of her teachee. Oh to the friend who leaves inspired notes. And Oh to a bishopric that believes and loves their ward members. Oh to a Brother Madsen who has taught me more deeply how to love our fellow men.
My cup is overflowing tonight...drinking from my saucer yet again!
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