Ha, Heavenly Father has been leading me constantly to read accounts in the scriptures about having/gaining a hard heart--and all the things that lead up to having a hard heart. It is amazing what having a hard heart will do--you forgot your god, you forget promises that have been made, you reason out miracles, personal revelation...as far as I can see there are no perks for having a hard heart other than you get to be totally self deluded and self involved. Never seeking and serving outward but always focused on yourself. Hel chapter 6 is what I have found to be the out line for the cycle of the heart. How is it after so many revelations, that the temptation to doubt is so strong? I speak only for myself.
This morning as I was reading in 3 Nephi chapter 1, RIGHT after the miracle of the day and night and day without any darkness and the new star appearing vs 22 says, "And it came to pass that from this time forth there began to be lyings sent forth among the people by Satan, to harden their hearts, to the intent that they might not believe in those signs and wonders which they had seen..." and I might add "felt".
Such an outline for my life. The last few weeks have been filled with a crazy amount of direct revelation for me. Revelation that although right now has no immediate pay outs--I cannot deny what I have felt impressed to do. And yet, right after the sweet impressions come, Satan "from [that] time forth" is out to destroy. My logical/worldly brain sets in and the temptation to just be hard hearted=giving up on the impressions I have had--is great...however this girl is not giving in! I have come to the conclusion that a hard heart is one that has no faith.
For me, as I kneel down and pray, trying to cry mightily as Nephi did the night the nephites were going to be destroyed, I too have felt, "Lift up your head and be of good cheer..." (3 Nephi 1:13). I find it so interesting that Nehpi was given permission in a sense to stop praying/worrying over his and his people's current situation because he was told to "lift up" his head. And the scriptures tell us he had been in mighty prayer all day long.
I still am at the conclusion that God has many mighty miracles to preform in my life. He is constantly! Focus on facts and what is or isn't visibly tangible in my life, but every little prompting/insight is a snowflake on my window! There are so many, I can not deny what the Lord is trying to tell me! And I will trust!
I am filled with again, with a determination to serve Him, trust Him, follow Him--at all costs. And I will not allow doubt to harden my heart! In all aspects of my life. :)
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