ONE MORE DAY TO BECOME MORE LIKE THE SAVIOR...

I really don't know how to start this blog, it has been quite the week.

Have you ever battled something, something that you desired/struggled to overcome? I know, pretty silly question for I am pretty sure everyone has felt the sting of their weaknesses, and longing to become better. I can't speak for everyone, but I do speak for myself... battles are going on.

I am going to be quite personal and this is not a subject I freely discuss with most people and surely not on a blog where who knows who might be reading... but it has been quite an interesting week and I feel I must share my thoughts... (ha, it also looks like this is a night of dot dot dots too (...)!

For those who know me, reading this, probably knows that I have been a 4X girl for as long as I can remember. :) Now surely, one has to say that in order to become a 4X girl, you had to first hit 1X 2X and so up to become 4X. Well let me just say again, that I always remember being a 4X girl. My size has been the cause of much fasting, countless prayers, endless tears and pleading to overcome. I know everyone has a vice and what one vice is for someone, probably wouldn't phase the 10 people you pass in the grocery store. But I have learned that to each his own. I have allowed my size to mask "me" in some ways, ha in a lot of ways...

My dad last year mentioned a diet and gave me a little booklet on it. To which my first response and several responses after wards was, "Not for me". Why you might ask? I guess looking back it was pride, more more than that--I just had a negative thought in my mind of what diets do to people and I did not want to have any part of a diet. Now that being said, through the years I have tried countless things. Going without sugar for a full year... exercise, eating more healthy. Obviously not for consistent periods of time or else something would have happened. But right before coming home from the mission, I was given a blessing in which I was promised that I would be able to lose the weight I desired and to keep it off--and that God would change the very chemical makeup of my body if needs be. Again, a struggle with my weight has been my life long burden it seems. So although I had hope in this blessing, it seemed more like a fleeting thought then a reality.

Back to the specific eating commitment--my Dad knows, that I will pray about things. After turning him down about looking into a particular diet, several times, he requested that I at least pray about it. (!) Oh to the Dad that knows his daughter all to well!

I did pray about it, but I was a stink, for I did not care to know/receive an answer. And for the first time since I was 19, I really didn't pray to know, and just went through the motion of asking Heavenly Father so I could tell my Dad that I had prayed about it. My Dad asked me if I had prayed, and I told him that I had, but then admitted that I had not been sincere about it. For a week or so after, my soul was wracked a little with the fact that I had not sincerely asked--a trait in my prayers that although I am not perfect in--I have made it a point to try to be fully sincere in every prayer.

Well, long story short, I did end up praying about this particular way of eating and within a few days had four strong impressions that I needed to committee to doing it. ...and thus started an amazing journey of hell and heaven.

What was/is the commitment? Just a protein and lots of veggie diet. Day one was doable. Day two was tough... and by day three I discovered a truth about myself that I had never realized before. I was an emotional eater. I discovered and knew before that whenever I cried, whether for being happy/upset/feeling the spirit/angry, whatever it was--I could stop heavy, sobbing/red dots on the forehead crying by just putting something in my mouth. Sounds ridiculous I am sure, to some, but it is true. It could be a carrot stick or a cheese stick--what went in did not matter, I just had to put something in my mouth, and I could immediately stop the emotion. At the time of discovering this, I just knew I could stop my crying by eating but did not know the depths as to what I was really doing.

By day three through the fifth day on the diet, I discovered that when I would eat before (when being emotional), I would not just stop the crying, but I could actually turn off dealing with what was heavy on my mind. In a sense, eating, caused it so that I did not have to "deal" with whatever I was dealing with. Now--I don't want you thinking I ate the world away, because I did not. But I did turn to food.

Recently a woman questioned my sister in how she "dealt" with life, where was her "out" if she did not drink or smoke?! The woman who asked, could not believe that my sister would go through the type of job she did/does, without having an "outlet" at the end of the day. I have never had alcohol before or smoked, but I guess in a way for some people it is a way to numb them from what emotions/stresses they are feeling/going through. The woman asked my sister, "What is our out if you don't drink or smoke?!!" To which my sister chuckling responded, "Food and Chocolate!". Oh the truth found in that statement.

Well, by day five on the diet, I found that the mental emotions I was going through--I now had to deal with because I did not have the option of going to my blanket cover of food. I learned much about myself that first weekend on my new eating style/pattern. I learned how I was NOT involving/turning to God as I should have been.

(Now, for those of you freaking out at this point, breath. I eat, I am healthy, and I am fully aware of what the word of wisdom teaches. I am grateful for the truths found there. Please know that my actions to do this diet are inspired and I feel I have been led by God in this area of my life...:) )

The next two weeks on the diet, left me with no where to turn but on my knees. I know, this is probably a real duh for most people. But I had no idea I was neglecting turning to God by eating away/not having to deal with my emotional stresses, whatever they were.

All this happened back in June.

At the end of Dec, I stopped doing the diet consistently. I still did it, but if I had a little extra whatever, it was fine. At the time, I had been working for months to build up jogging--and that will have to be for another post in sharing the miracles that took place in my life there. But I see God's hand in what changes I made with my eating at that time.

Soo, where does that leave me now and why in the world would I write this so far?!!

Well, in the last month I have been trying to get back on consistently doing the diet as I had been doing it last year... and it seriously has been kicking my bum. Now, what I am about to share, I don't expect anyone to understand the deep dark inside workings of me, but for whatever reason I am to expose my most awesomest (I know that is not a word, but it should be! Has a fun ring to me. ;)) weaknesses.

Wanting to finish my journey with getting my body to become the instrument I hope it to be, physically for my children, my husband, and most importantly a tool for God, I have been trying to get my life back on this specific diet, to finish out a life long pursuit. And for a lot of reasons I could name, I just could not stay consistent as I was trying to get back on. I could not stay committed. I pleaded, again with dedicated fasting and time on my knees asking/crying for help to recommit myself. I want to overcome "my" natural man.

In the temple last Tues, I opened, as I often do when I find I am in a state/area to ponder, to Moroni 7. Knowing and wanting to overcome the natural man--and having discovered that the key to overcoming one's self is Charity, I turned to the wonderful check list Moroni goes through with Charity. And there right there in front of my eyes--was an awesome key to what I was dealing with/lacking! Vs. 45 "And charity suffereth long..." I WAS NOT keeping that "check" in the list of Charity. I went through the other items in Vs. 45, and for the most part was constantly striving to keep them, but for that moment in my life, I was not remembering the "sufferth long" commandment of having charity. I left the chapel and the temple that day, determined to do better in keeping that charge of Charity and in a sense be a little kinder/give a little slack to the battle I was fighting.

On my battle raged... good in the morning, failed sticking with my commitments at night.

My Pblessing directs me to continue in my habit of studying the scriptures for I will find the word of the Lord there, but also, "They will be a great blessing into (my) life especially in times of trial and tribulation."
...

This last week I was reading in Alma 14. Alma and Amulek have had to witness the burning of many righteous women and children. Women and children who would not give up their faith in Jesus Christ. They then, Alma and Amulek, are bound and were hit upon their cheeks and were eventually cask into prison. The Judges, lawyers, and teachers in the land came to question them in prison, but Alma and Amulek did not answer their questions, but in awesome humility/patience remained quite.

Over and over, one by one, the Judges, lawyers, and teachers came and smote Alma and Amuleks' cheeks. These evil men gnashed their teeth and while spitting upon the two held bound said, "How shall we look when we are damned?" For many days they suffered in the prison without food or water. They were bound with strong cords and their clothes were taken from them that they were naked. Beating after beating came, until finally--the Lord's timing became perfect.

25 And it came to pass that they all went forth and smote them, saying the same words, even until the last; and when the last had spoken unto them the power of God was upon Alma and Amulek, and they rose and stood upon their feet.

26 And Alma cried, saying: How long shall we suffer these great afflictions, O Lord? O Lord, give us strength according to our faith which is in Christ, even unto deliverance. And they broke the cords with which they were bound; and when the people saw this, they began to flee, for the fear of destruction had come upon them.

27 And it came to pass that so great was their fear that they fell to the earth, and did not obtain the outer door of the prison; and the earth shook mightily, and the walls of the prison were rent in twain, so that they fell to the earth; and the chief judge, and the lawyers, and priests, and teachers, who smote upon Alma and Amulek, were slain by the fall thereof.

28 And Alma and Amulek came forth out of the prison, and they were not hurt; for the Lord had granted unto them power, according to their faith which was in Christ. And they straightway came forth out of the prison; and they were loosed from their bands; and the prison had fallen to the earth, and every soul within the walls thereof, save it were Alma and Amulek, was slain; and they straightway came forth into the city.

29 Now the people having heard a great noise came running together by multitudes to know the cause of it; and when they saw Alma and Amulek coming forth out of the prison, and the walls thereof had fallen to the earth, they were struck with great fear, and fled from the presence of Alma and Amulek...

This story has always touched me, as I am sure it does every reader. The patience these two men exude is not just inspiring but encouraging.

After reading the account, to my minds eye, I beheld myself-- with walls of crumpled prison around me. All my vices, my natural man, the struggles and afflictions I was currently being haunted with, were like those offensive judges and lawyers-- and those offenses and vices were crushed in the fall of MY prison walls. My bands had been broken and I had been given deliverance/power and strength by/through Jesus Christ's atonement. I was stepping out of MY once prison. I was stepping out, I, through/by Christ had conquered the afflictions and now with peace, determination, and faith, was moving on....

This vision came to my mind and I was moved and desired to see the vision a reality. I left to work stirred with determination. I received a blessing from my brother... I was reminded that God has placed people in my life to help me and that I should confide in them... so I called in the troops. I prayerfully sent out texts of requests asking for prayers in my behalf. So stirring was the vision that I also felt to ask a friend at work who is an artist, if she wouldn't mind drawing up a stick version of my vision. I told her not to spend much time on it, but that I wanted a girl, surrounded by a fallen prison, walking/moving forward with confidence, determination, peace. This morning, the lovely Savanna Rodriguez had this beauitful (WAY MORE THEN MY EXPECTED STICK FIGURE REQUEST) sitting on my desk with a sincere note attached. I was overwhelmed and deeply touched. I loved that she added light rays! I love that the girl although warn from the bonds that held her captive, she did not let affliction overcome her... There are so many reasons while I love this picture! It is hanging in my cube. Thank you, THANK YOU Savanna!

Why do I share any of this?! Like President Eyring stated a few years ago in conference that his experiences where not just for him, but that he was to write them down. Most people know me to be incredibly private when it comes to my personal inside items. Sharing the gospel and insights given--NO PROBLEM, as long as they don't involve my personal struggles and weaknesses! ;) I know, I am a little messed up.

But this story and chapter of my life, although not finished, has had a sweet plot thicken. I have been sustained by amazing prayers. And I am fully committed back to my commitments. I am feeling the bands and shackles of my natural man start to melt away, and slowly for this particular prison, I am seeing the walls start to crumble. And like the girl Savanna so graciously and beautifully drew, I am moving forward with confidence, determination, peace, and an extra measure of faith.

At the beginning of the year, Jan first, I knelt in prayer and sought heaven to know what goals I should be working on this year. One of the two was to "overcome the natural man". Oh the wisdom of God. For at that moment, I did not feel like the natural man was a battle I was dealing with. ... Oh the wisdom of my God!

I know that Satan would have me stay as I was, turning to any source but Jesus Christ to deal with my emotions/stresses/afflictions of the day. But oh the healing rescue of the Savior's atonement! Oh to be able to turn to Him. He is a great carrier of the things of the heart, of the things of the soul, of the things mentally and emotional and physically that we go through. "Oh Jesus, Pilot me!" "Oh Jesus, lover of [MY] soul...let me to thy bosom fly."

On Sunday a Brother Wing from the high council came and spoke and reminded everyone there that we should thank Heavenly Father every day for the Sabbath day and thank him every day that we get/have "one more day to become like the Savior."

Where will this journey take me?! Your guess is as good as mine! But coming from an always used to be size 28 to now almost a size 16--I testify that God will can help us full fill our deepest desires. That prayers really do strengthen and can support/sustain others, Jesus overcame all prisons built, all bands that bind, all afflictions/struggles of the mind, body, spirit, and heart... He gives us strength to stand and go froth. Charity suffereth long, and is Kind... Christ suffereth long, is kind, envieth not, is not puffed up, seeketh not his own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no eveil, rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth. Christ beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things! Someday I hope to be able to put my name in front of such a scripture.

Jesus is the Christ!! He came to not only rescue/make a way for the world to repent and get back to the father, but He came to make away for me to repent and overcome my natural man!

Thank you Savanna for your picture!! Thank you for all those who have offered prayers up for me. Thank you to my parents and my family, who have been patient/loving and supportive as I have strived for personal commitment. And thank you LUKE for your brilliant drawing of my "priesthood hunk"! :)
Last night at FHE Luke showed me some pretty amazing sketches of these guys in full armor holding swords. One even had blood all over it. Quite gruesome.

I asked Luke if he could draw me a "priesthood hunk!" I told him he could even have a sword, because I love the symbolism of what a sword stands for in the scriptures. At the end of FHE, this is what his interpretation of a "priesthood hunk" was. Mind you, I think he is 10, and I am pretty sure he doesn't know what "hunk" means... so this is what he envisioned "priesthood" to mean. Suit, tie, sunglasses, and The Book of Mormon! !!! Seriously Luke, I could not have more perfectly drawn an interpretation of the things that mean the most to me in searching for my priesthood hunk!!!

Needless to say, I LOVED the picture! It hangs on my front door!

Well, I think that is as about as personal as one should get for a whole year! :) ha ha, just kidding.

The Church is True!

Thanks to an awesome plan from a loving Heavenly Father, and His mercy through His Son, I am committed! And I feel I have been given power to stand.

Onward and upward! I rejoice in My God! My Rock--my Salvation--MY literal REDEEMER...!

"ALLERGIC TO MEAN PEOPLE"

So Brytt and Jinger had a couple in their ward that just had their baby son die. He was four months old, the couples second child, and was about four months old. He died from sids. I knew that with Brytt being the EQ President, he was going to have a busier weekend, and it just worked out that I could take Ironman and Brynner-Bean up to the cabin for a little sleep over. Let me tell you--I have had an amazing weekend!

Yesterday as I was leaving work to go pick up the kiddos, I met a gal in the parking lot whom my company had just hired that week. Her name is Mel. In the short 10 mins that we were chatting she told me that she had just joined the church two years ago. She was in Idaho and walking towards a church and the missionaries stopped her. As she spoke of her conversion and her devotion to the gospel as a mother of five, I could not help be excited and I am sure she might have thought I was a bit odd for smiling as big as I was.

Mel told me that her son would be getting baptized today. She shared with me that when he was putting together the program he asked her to give the talk on the Holy Ghost. She said she was taken a little bit back by that and asked him if he didn't want one of his Auntie or Uncles to give the talk to which he responded, "Well I will pray about it mom, and then I will let you know." Well sure enough the next morning as they were getting ready for school Kobe said, "Mom I prayed about it, and you are to give the talk on the Holy Ghost". Oh if I could have been such a faith-filled eight year old!! Mel was honored and humbled at her son's determination/sure knowledge.

As Mel told me her story I felt I just had to be at the baptism. In my mind I wondered how I would be able to drive down from the canyon in time and if Ironman and Bean would be okay with going with me. I told her I wanted to come to the baptism to which she said she would love to have me. She was going to texted me the address.

I drove home curious how my next 16 hours were going to pan out.

Mom called as I got home. The roads were bad to the cabin, scariest she has ever experienced it. Dad thought his 4 wheel drive went out in the truck. The message, for the first time in a year, "Don't Come!".

I called Brytt and Jinger. Ironman decided to have a date night with his dad, but little Brynnlee was all about coming and over still. She came over and it was fingernail painting and the Broadway musical of Cinderella. Had I known that my plans were going to change, I would have had Kenzi and Afton come over for a big party too!

Brynner was so fun to watch as the musical came to the end and Cinderella finally got to hook up with the prince. She climbed all over my couch and put her hands over her mouth as she giggled with obvious approval that they finally got to be together. The best thing about being four is that you can act such a way and it is okay, because this 28 year old felt the same way inside! I however, might have some frowns had I climbed all over the couch and put my hand up to my mouth while giggling! ;)

I put Brynn down and in her prayers she said, "please bless bryndi and her running". I admit I almost opened my eyes at her words. Could she possibly know that her running (meaning jogging, because I really don't run) was a battle at the moment? I smiled at the thought that surely she had heard this prayed in her own home, and to know that my Brother and Sister-in-law have been praying to strengthen me in my goal, was/IS humbling. After prayer Bean was out like a light.

Six AM this morning I heard, "Doe a deer a female deer..." I crawled into her bed at 6:30 and listened to her talk the morning away. I pointed to a picture on the wall where the Savior is looking directly out and smiling. (One of the very few pictures that shows such a side of Christ, that I have found). I asked Bean who it was, and she said, "Jesus... (pause) Guess what, I love Heavenly Father and Jesus more than anyone else." The comment was so direct and matter of fact. To which I replied to her that I did too.

Then our morning of getting ready for the baptism was filled with, "Bryndi, you will get married this year, and when you do I think you should have a girl. You can name her after me." She made this comment several times and then said, IF I had a boy first I could name him Ireland, but if the girl came, she was sure the best thing to be would to name her Brynnlee. (Well at least I would have approval that she wouldn't be upset with someone else having her same name! ;)

We worked on a mini-scrap book that I had from my mission and she thought I told her it was a "scratch-book". So after drawing on the different pages, she said, "You know Aunt Bryndi, it is a Scratch book, so you have to scratch it." She turned the little book over and started scratching the paper with her nail. I had to contain my laughter and nod a very serious approval that I agreed.

I told Bean that I needed to put some clothes into the dryer for grandma, to which she replied, " We could do the laundry for grandma and that is called 'sneaky service'".

But my all time favorite comment at my kitchen table was "My mom is allergic to sugar. I am allergic to mean people. I think that is a good thing to be allergic too." I told her I was allergic to mean people too! oh crack me up.

We sat and waited for everyone to show up to the baptism. When Mel finally came in I recognized a heaviness on her heart. She looked a little dismal, with some deep burden. ???

Kobe's aunt gave a great talk on Baptism. She had him hold up two weights straight out and told him to keep his arms up. (I loved that the weights were pink so to hold Brynn's attention.) :) Kobe's arms started to fall a little and his Aunt talked about how the Savior will help him/us carry his/our burdens and the covenants that he/we make. She then had a few of his family members to come up to help him carry/keep his covenants. Awesome-Brilliant talk!

Kobe and his father went to go get in the water, and Mel motioned for me to come and sit next to her. She told me how she didn't have any family there, and just that morning she had called her family (In WY I believe) to tell them about her son's baptism, to which they responded that surely Mel was going to hell and ended the phone conversation. She was trying to hold back her emotions and I could tell she was trying to not feel hurt. I understood more fully why the Lord has had me go. I threw my arms around her and told her I was her family and she did have a sister there! I silently thanked God for allowing me to step into such a roll and for providing a way for me to be there.

Mel gave the talk on the Holy Ghost and it was sweet. I have never watched an eight year old soak up/keep eye contact with his mother so intently before. He soaked up every word she spoke. And frankly, we all did. The spirit was beautiful!

Back out to the car, as I was buckling Brynn in I asked her how she felt. She told me that she felt happy and that she had a warm feeling inside. I asked her if she knew where that feeling comes from. To which she replied she didn't know. I told her that she was feeling the holy Ghost and that Jesus was happy. I asked her if she believed that was true. She told me that she didn't know, but she hoped it was the Holy Ghost. To which I told her I knew it was.

I started to drive, and after five mins, she just started singing primary songs in my car, no request by me! Thank goodness for cell phones that record!

The whole morning/evening left me praising mothers who love and teach their little ones. And surely the fathers and other family members play their special parts... but like Julie B. Beck said, "Mothers who know"(!). I had been reminded to pray and ask the Lord, to love Heavenly Father and Jesus more than anything, sneaky service, be allergic to being mean, warm happy feelings--and more! When I dropped off brynn to her house we brought out parfaits for Ironman and Doogs to eat. Ironman finished and thanked me for the treat. Then he ran and nearly 10 mins later came back with this drawing of a heart because he said, "I drew it for you to thank you for the Parfait". His mother heard him/saw him do it and she was beaming with pride.

Seriously out of the mouths of babes! I stand all amazed!

Jinger filled me in on the funeral. She said that the couple was so strong. The father shared some sacred experiences of the assurances they had received from God that their son's earth life was finished and that him leaving after only four short months was part of the Grand plan. The morning the baby died, both husband and wife, that night, went to the temple together. Oh the strength and example set. Oh the lesson passed on.

My heart is just filled. So beautiful! Has my last 24 hours been!

I understand more clearly why we are told to become as little children--or else no kingdom of God.

Just shots from my phone, but put to Brynnlee's amazingly inspired/spontaneous singing in my car. Well, not too spontaneous, for surely the soul wants to sing when it has been lifted by the spirit as ours had been!


PS!! Okay... just a happy note, but three weeks away will be general conference! Oh such a time to be alive! I CAN'T wait!!

The Church is True! Christ is the Redeemer! My Redeemer... !!

THE PRAYING HANDS

So the other day I was going through some mission papers, and found the story of Albrecht Durer's "The Praying Hands". The story moved me. Perhaps it is well known... but I have not heard it, except through a paper/hand out given at a zone conference. Sad to say, I have been doing a bit of research on it tonight and I cannot find if the story really did happen. ??? I do not know, but the the message has stirred my soul and I have felt to post it. Enjoy!
--

Back in the fifteenth century, in a tiny village near Nuremberg, lived a family with eighteen children. Eighteen!

In order merely to keep food on the table for this big family, the father and head of the household, a goldsmith by profession, worked almost eighteen hours a day at his trade and any other paying chore he could find in the neighborhood.

Despite their seemingly hopeless condition, two of Albrecht Durer the Elder's children had a dream. They both wanted to pursue their talent for art, but they knew full well that their father would never be financially able to send either of them to Nuremberg to study at the Academy.

After many long discussions at night in their crowded bed, the two boys finally worked out a pact. They would toss a coin. The loser would go down into the nearby mines and, with his earnings, support his brother while he attended the academy. Then, when that brother who won the toss completed his studies, in four years, he would support the other brother at the academy, either with sales of his artwork or, if necessary, also by laboring in the mines.

They tossed a coin on a Sunday morning after church. Albrecht Durer won the toss and went off to Nuremberg.

Albert went down into the dangerous mines and, for the next four years, financed his brother, whose work at the academy was almost an immediate sensation. Albrecht's etchings, his woodcuts, and his oils were far better than those of most of his professors, and by the time he graduated, he was beginning to earn considerable fees for his commissioned works.

When the young artist returned to his village, the Durer family held a festive dinner on their lawn to celebrate Albrecht's triumphant homecoming. After a long and memorable meal, punctuated with music and laughter, Albrecht rose from his honored position at the head of the table to drink a toast to his beloved brother for the years of sacrifice that had enabled Albrecht to fulfill his ambition. His closing words were, "And now, Albert, blessed brother of mine, now it is your turn. Now you can go to Nuremberg to pursue your dream, and I will take care of you." All heads turned in eager expectation to the far end of the table where Albert sat, tears streaming down his pale face, shaking his lowered head from side to side while he sobbed and repeated, over and over, "No ...no ...no ...no."Finally, Albert rose and wiped the tears from his cheeks. He glanced down the long table at the faces he loved, and then, holding his hands close to his right cheek, he said softly, "No, brother. I cannot go to Nuremberg. It is too late for me. Look ... look what four years in the mines have done to my hands! The bones in every finger have been smashed at least once, and lately I have been suffering from arthritis so badly in my right hand that I cannot even hold a glass to return your toast, much less make delicate lines on parchment or canvas with a pen or a brush. No, brother ... for me it is too late."

More than 450 years have passed. By now, Albrecht Durer's hundreds of masterful portraits, pen and silver point sketches, water-colours, charcoals, woodcuts, and copper engravings hang in every great museum in the world, but the odds are great that you, like most people, are familiar with only one of Albrecht Durer's works. More than merely being familiar with it, you very well may have a reproduction hanging in your home or office.One day, to pay homage to Albert for all that he had sacrificed, Albrecht Durer painstakingly drew his brother's abused hands with palms together and thin fingers stretched skyward. He called his powerful drawing simply "Hands," but the entire world almost immediately opened their hearts to his great masterpiece and renamed his tribute of love "The Praying Hands." The next time you see a copy of that touching creation, take a second look. Let it be your reminder, if you still need one, that no one - no one - - ever makes it alone!!!
--(Unknown)

---

"The “Praying Hands” are much, much more than just a work of art;
They are the soul’s creation of a deeply thankful heart—
They are a priceless Masterpiece that love alone could paint,
And they reveal the selflessness of an unheralded saint.
These hands, so scarred and toilworn, tell the story of a man
Who sacrificed his talent in accordance with God’s plan—
For in God’s plan are many things man cannot understand,
But we must trust God’s judgment and be guided by His Hand.
Sometimes He asks us to give up our dreams of happiness,
Sometimes we must forego our hopes of fortune and success.
Not all of us can triumph or rise to heights of fame,
And many times what should be ours, goes to another name—
But he who makes a sacrifice, so another may succeed,
Is indeed a true disciple of our blessed Savior’s creed—
For when we give ourselves away in sacrifice and love,
We are laying up rich treasures in God’s kingdom up above—
And hidden in gnarled, toilworn hands is the truest art of living
Achieved alone by those who’ve learned the victory of giving;
For any sacrifice on earth made in the dear Lord’s name,
Assures the giver of a place in Heaven’s Hall of Fame—
And who can say with certainty where the greatest talent lies,
Or who will be the greatest in our Heavenly Father’s eyes!"

—Helen Steiner Rice

http://lds.org/ensign/1981/06/sacrifice?lang=eng

"I [will] be my brother's keeper;
I [will] learn the healer's art.
To the wounded and the weary
I [will] show a gentle heart.
I [will] be my brother's keeper-
Lord, I [will] follow thee." -Hymn 220

MEET MY BROTHER

So this isn't really fair, I have three AMAZING blood brothers and Marshyl already got his own post a while back, but I am in need of writing down what he has taught me.

Marsh is recently without work, and he and his wonderful wife, whom I happily claim as blood by marriage, have had their share of challenges. Just a few weeks ago their little Garrett became very ill. They took him in to the docs, and the docs, not seeing a case this bad in the valley--had him immediately life-flighted to Primary Children's Hospital. His stats were not good and there he stayed for almost a week with Jen by his side. The first night when Marsh and Jen found out just how bad their little guy really was, they wept together knowing that had they waited another day to take Garrett in, he probably would have passed away. There was some intense feelings for sure.

Many prayers went up. A nurse had some oil on him and helped Marsh give Garrett a blessing. Miracles!

In all the mist of their awesome challenges, I started to worry a bit about mouths to feed, no job, helicopter bills--and in family prayers our concerns for/in behalf have of Marsh and the need for a job, and for Garrett to get better, were ever present. With a somewhat heavy heart for my amazing brother--he sure put me in my place!

On the day they came home with Garrett from the hospital he stopped by my place. THERE IS NO WAY ONE CAN WORRY after talking to such a man filled with complete faith and trust in God. I am the sister, who should be good and encouraging and building up, and yet every time I leave my brother's presence I am uplifted by his complete surrender and confidence in God's plan for him and his family. Have you ever been around someone that could infuse faith into your soul, simply because you were in their optimistic presence?! Well that is Marshyl. His faith is steadfast in Christ. And as a result, he has caused my faith to be strengthened.

These set of pictures perfectly display Marshyl's nature! Brytt and Thayne are just as much a ham as Marshyl is, but they need a little prompting to make it come out. Marshyl is just this way by nature! ;)





My heart is filled with gratitude to Hillary, my good friend at work, who recently told me that she came to the conclusion that she knows that God is aware of her body and the pain that she is in constantly. And that if it [a body that functions nicely] was somehow part of the plan, she would surely not be suffering and would be healed. But with awesome faith she trusts and knows that God knows she is suffering. He knows she is in pain, and He will help her deal with/through the pain. And by him not taking it away at this time/not in the plan--proves that He has a plan for her, because she knows she would be healed if it was not part of the plan. Oh the wisdom and the faith of this girl. She has taught me lots.

NEW JERSEY
I recently had the impression that I needed to fly to New Jersey for the weekend. The timing was incredible because the weekend suggested to my mind/heart was not great timing. Plus not to mention that I haven't been back to New jersey since the mission. But I felt impressed to go and I know better than to fight.

It was great to see Marcel! What a kid! He got more than he bargained for getting to hang out with me for four straight days. We had quite a few happy miracles. We ate at this little dinner joint three different times and we all fell in love with our waitress Samary. She loves her family. And I was very impressed with the love she expressed for them. In the very way she spoke she reminded me of how a Christlike mother is and I hope to be.

Friday night Marcel had the impression we needed to go into New York for a young single adult conference. By the time the impression came--we were looking at getting to New York at almost 10. But on our train ride over, I met this amazing girl, Allison (the one on the Left), who had just finished several months backpacking all over. We only chatted for 10 mins, but I found a friend! I was impressed with her. Since coming back we have chatted a little and she stated something so profound, "The only thing is...what happens if you know (or think you know) what you should be doing, but are holding yourself back- because of fear of failure or even fear of success? The 3 month journey I was on was meant to help me figure things out.... I guess it did, but now that it's time to take action, I'm not sure I'm ready... It'll all out, but man, sometimes it's hard to have such patience, not to mention faith." I don't know what Allison's views are on God, but surely this girl has got some deep reservoirs. I think she has more faith than she knows. If Marcel would have not taken the step of faith and gone into New York for the brief moment we stayed at the conference--my 10 mins/new friend with Allison would have not happened. WINDOWS of time! God's hand can be seen everywhere! Thank you Marcel!! And THANK YOU Allison!

Sunday brought about the crazy of all days. Marcel and I left early to get to New York to help make the 900+ sandwiches needed for the Young Single Adult conference. For the evening, we were going to head over to Sister Ortiz's home to teach family night and eat her amazing Dominican food! She said she would invite a few families over from mission times.

After our WONDERFUL sacrament was over (I heard four different stake president's speak and it was amazing) we left to make the trek back to New Jersey so we could make the dinner appointment I had set up. When we walked outside, Marcel felt uneasy and said we needed to go back to the Testimony Meeting which would be starting in mins. After some battling/figuring out impressions we went up and I texted Sister Ortiz that I would be 30 mins late or so to dinner.

Testimony meeting was great and Marcel and I were both curious as to why he had been prompted to stay. The meeting went an 1 1/2 and after it was over we hurried to get to pen station. Marcel and his long legs and me trotting in heals and a skirt to keep up! :) Looks like I was going to be an hour late to the dinner appointment. Gulp. But all along knowing/trusting God had a plan.

While on the train back to New Jersey, I had the impression I need to open my mouth and talk. Okay--so most people know I don't really have a problem opening my mouth, but this particular time I told the Lord that if I did, on the subject I was being prompted to talk about--the subject matter would make Marcel quite passionate about not to mention I didn't feel like I had any grounds to speak on the subject I was going to bring up. But again, "open your mouth". What will I say, "Open your mouth". So I did just that, and sure enough Marcel became very passionate about the subject. So passionate in fact that we missed our train stop to Newark. When he realized we had missed the stop, he jumped up and we both started hurrying through the train to make the next stop at a little window opening of time. Marcel was quite bothered about missing our stop and could not believe that he had missed it. This was the first time, of a life time traveling on the trains that he had ever missed a stop.

We were in Elizabeth now, which although closer to our already an hour late dinner appointment but still, by waiting for another train we were 45 mins away from getting back to my car- and then another 30 mins after that driving to the appointment. Marcel asked me if we should wait for a train and backtrack, or if he should have his friend Blaine (this is Blaine) come get us. We opted for Blaine. Marcel called him and told him to come pick us up at the Elizabeth chapel. He told me he didn't think Blaine would be there for 30 mins.

I could not figure out all the impressions. And I kicked myself for setting up a dinner appointment with the Ortiz's. I pondered over why I had not been warned/prompted not to set it up, but it felt okay when I did. I called the Ortiz and told them our situation. They already had eaten dinner by this time and were just waiting for us to come. Again, to the dinner appointment/party I had set up.

Marcel and I had time to kill to walk to the Elizabeth Chapel. So I took his arm and we strolled down the allies together. Being in heals and a skirt-in the hood, in the dark may have made normal girls scared, but being with Marcel I felt totally protected. I was not worried at all. We walked through some pretty dark areas, and finally came into a parking lot where these two kids were Skateboarding. Marcel asked them if they would like to hear a message about Christ. I was surprised when they said they would listen. Then--all the craziness of the evening and all the promptings we followed but didn't understand why--all added up! Domingo and Jose had been prepared by God to have that discussion. At first Jose (the one on the left,) wasn't interested and was just politely listening but that changed towards the end of the conversation. Domingo (on the Right) is a very deep kid. He had done a ton of thinking on his own. I don't think I have ever met more respectable 16/17 year-olds in my life. I surely wasn't like that when I was 17. We talked for a good 15 mins and then all walked over to the church to meet up with Blaine. It wasn't until we were mins away from the church when I realized what God had given me. Here I was back at the Chapel that Jean after he had joined the church, brought Adele, and through his mighty prayer brought Marcel to the chapel to be baptized.
!!!!

Yes I felt like crying, and that night in my room I did my fair share of it. I told Domingo and Jose that it was not just chance that we had met. Domingo has had the missionaries over to his home before to meet with his mom. It was such a crazy thing, I had a name tag on and was blessed to meet Marcel. Marcel later had a name tag on and now both finished missionaries, were teaching the gospel together to Domingo and Jose... in the city/the very Chapel that Marcel made his first covenants with God! The chapel I had come to love for 7 1/2 months. But had not been back to in over six years. God truly is amazing!

Well, the miracles still go on. Blaine had been in Roselle Park at Marcel's house. He could not get a hold of us all day and figured he would keep his appointment with Marcel, but was rather ticked that Marcel had not answered his phone. When he left Marcel's place, he had the impression to go to the Elizabeth Chapped. He thought the idea was completely random. He doesn't go to that chapel, the city had nothing to do with anything we had done all weekend. He pushed the thought from his mind. 2 mins later Marcel called him and told him we were stranded and needed him to pick us up at the Elizabeth chapel. :) Coincidence? I think not!

Because Domingo and Jose had stopped skateboarding to chat with us, they were pretty cold. Blaine and I gave them a ride to their house. Domingo recounted for Blaine how we had met and made the comment he felt like we were sent from God with a message. He also commented a few different times that he was impressed with how optimistic Marcel and I were. I have never had a comment quite like that before.

We challenged Domingo and Jose to pray and ask God if he really lives. We promised them that if they would pray and ask, we know that they would receive an answer. We also asked them to pray about meeting us and what we shared with them, to ask God if it was true. They said they would pray. They got out of the car, and I asked Blaine if we could have a quick prayer. My heart was overwhelmed with deep gratitude.

Then it was a rush to the 2 hour late dinner appointment! What a blessing it was to find the Ortiz's had the missionaries over. And because they were over, they went through with the dinner. OH my heart thanked God for taking care of the situation. I felt so bad, but all things worked out. Sister Ortiz invited over two of my favorite member families from that area--the Massey and the Curry families. My heart was ready to burst. Six years will do a lot to families. The Curry's who could not have children have now been blessed miraculously with two of their own children! Miho Massey and her little family--are so grown up. It was so late, and they all needed to go home because they had already been there for several hours, but our moments together were tender.

Brother Curry was curious to see that I was "still" cheery. He made a sincere comment about how he wondered if that was just how I was before because the mission did that to me, but seeing me six years later and almost 30 years old he now knows that, nope, the mission probably helped magnified those feelings, but cheery is part of who I am. (Now don't be thinking this is all a great thing! My poor husband has to deal with a wife that can smile and be very pleasant at any waking hour in the morning. If he is a grumbler in the morning and takes time to shake sleep from his mood--he and I are going to have our work cut out! I will allow him a cloud cover attitude with hopes that he will let me keep the sunshine. ;) )


Monday came and I spent the morning with my perfect hosts! We just sat around and chatted. I thanked Sister Ortiz for her patience in the night before. She admitted that she couldn't figure why I would set up a dinner party and then wouldn't even show up. But she understood how God sent Marcel and I to meet with Domingo and Jose. A meeting, that has impacted my life in many ways. She was kind.

I said good bye to my choice friends and drove to go be with Marcel and Blaine before I had to fly out. The whole weekend was filled with impressions on how I need to "be" with Marcel and where he was. I have never felt so intrusive to someones personal space. Especially when it was me to set up being there and took over his weekend plans. Thankfully Marcel was happy to have me there, but it was still hard and all weekend I battled trying not to ask the Lord why he had sent me. Even on Monday, again the impressions came to be with Marcel. 15 mins before I had to drive to the airport, 4:45 pm, Marcel was doing some things on line and I was getting my personal study in. I opened up to Alma 8 and received an answer from God that whatever the reason was, he was pleased and I accomplished what he sent me to New Jersey for. My cheeks were wet and I hoped Marcel would not see my tears.

Oh and I won't even go into the miracles getting me home. Truly god is aware of us.

Citlalli picked me up from the airport and took me home. By 2 am I was back home and I was saying my prayer for the night. I sang a hymnn first, and came to a verse of scripture that I looked up to see if I could find the statement in the hymn supported by the scripture. Instead, I found yet another scripture that had basically said what Alma 8 told me. I wept again.

My Trip to New Jersey taught me that I murmur and show an awesome lack of faith. Yes, I still went to New Jersey you can say, and we followed impressions, but if you give a gift and don't give it with your whole heart--it profits you nothing. My murmuring inside myself was as good as just killing my faith. Lesson learned.

Marcel surprised me this Sunday when I woke up to this text..."Hey i decided to get rid of all my rap music because the way i been using it hasn't help me draw closer to Christ not that I feel it is wrong But I do not think it will do much good to help me anyway i figured it might make you happy to know." We had listened to Rap music all weekend. I did not feel it was my place to say anything. I could not understand how it could do "good" for his soul, when I felt mine was being weighed down. But here he was telling me that he didn't think it brings him closer to Christ--so he is giving it up. :) You could not have found a more tearfilled smiling while kneeling in gratitude girl than me that morning! Marcel is becoming "soft" again! I love that kid!

Well how about them apples for a really late post! Moral--follow your impressions, even if they wipe out a savings account, cause you to miss your best friend's BYU performance and your favorite earthly dad's 60th birthday bash--even if you are told to open your mouth or stay for a meeting...don't let doubt and fear squash your faith. God has a plan! The question comes down to for me, Do I trust God and his plan or don't I? And if I don't trust the plan, why not? It is tried and true and God defiantly sees the bigger picture.

To everyone I met in New Jersey, it was amazing! Thank you for adding to the trip.

NOTHING CAN

My heart is truly happy today! It is all the time, but even more as I ponder over what God has done for me and what He IS doing with me. This morning I kept thinking over and over how nothing can separate us from HIS love! I may turn my back I may hide my face, I may scream or shout or ignore, but like the stepping out into the sunshine--I will be hit by it's rays.

And like the Son's love, I am hit by HIS rays!

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
...
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." --Romans 8:35,37-39

Yesterday as I was in RS I noticed someone sitting alone. My heart wanted to cry out. I had just invited someone else to come sit with me. There was NO physical way for me to sit in two different chairs. I seriously had this awesome little turmoil inside. It was like being in the EB3 rs all over again and seeing girls sitting by themselves and praying that God would inspire someone/anyone to be sensitive to the new gal's or alone gal's needs. God always pinned the angel wings on someone and someone would no doubt rush to the side of the very gal I was concerned for. Well yesterday those feelings arose as I noticed someone that I felt would not be good to sit alone. Stuck, and silently/inwardly praying for a miracle... angel wings were pinned to Micarie! I never turned to her to let her know my thoughts and HAD I shared my desires, she would have rushed over, but there was no need to share!! Micarie saw the same gal sitting alone and went to sit by her side. I seriously almost started to cry. Deep gratitude! Micarie, I love you! And no that is not a pile of snow behind Micarie! Told you she had wings! ;) (Yes I know I could use some skills in the drawing area! Anyone volunteer?!)

It is such a great time to be alive! To know that God lives! That Jesus is the Christ! Nothing can separate us from their love. We can try to remove ourselves from it, but His love is unconditional and has no boundaries!

And amen to you Elder Holland! For anyone one who didn't get to hear the world wide training on Sat. He shared his thoughts along with Elder Bednar and Elder D. Todd Christoffersen about what/how the priesthood looks like in the home. I felt it was totally random and out of the blue--but Elder Holland brought up that he thinks there should be more blessings given in the home. He acknowledged that blessings are given for the beginning of the school and for illnesses/healing but he thought/thinks that God would be pleased to see more blessings given--even for just spiritual strength. I don't think there could have been a more smiley girl than I was at hearing this counsel. A truth I have felt and taught, but sure does feel good to have support with a stamp of approval by an apostle of the Lord on having more blessings given in the home! And for those us that don't have priesthood in the home--God has blessed us with home teachers and bishoprics!

God sure does want to bless us! And give us strength to meet our challenges. He will help us conquer! (And don't you worry--when Holland's official quote comes out and I have more than just what I wrote down/what I was hearing, I WILL SHARE IT!)

This morning I listened to Mark and I was impressed when the Savior road upon the donkey and came into town. People cast their garments on Him and others spread their garments in the way. Some cut down branches of trees. Some went before him and others followed him... So many applications! My heart was filled with what garments [works] am I setting in place to make a path for the Savior? A garment is something cherished/beloved. And surely to have an animal walk on it--you just wouldn't place it to be stepped on because it is something respected. However, if my works and what I promise to give to God--can be placed down and make a way for him to come into the hearts of others--LET ME place garment after garment! Let me place work after work! Let me work to remove obstacles in my own life and in the lives of others. May we be so worthy to have our garments/works placed that the Lord uses them to enter into the hearts of those we love. May we shout praises of Hosannas for the Christ who is our Lord!... whom I know will come again.

Deep are the thoughts on my heart. Overwhelmed with Love and gratitude!

Happy Valentines Day! May you feel HIS great love for you today! Promise! You can't escape HIS rays!

Nothing can separate us...! Nothing can separate YOU! Nothing can separate ME!

DESKTOP DOWNLOAD

I told you I was obsessed with Richard G. Scott's quote! This picture (something from the Caribbean) is my laptop background. If you want it, you are welcome to download it.

Elder D. Todd Christofferson just gave a masterful talk on "Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread". If you haven't read it/listened to it--I promise it is WELL WORTH your time. He brings about the principle of praying for our daily bread. Well this morning, knowing I was going to get up and jog, but also knowing I have been cheating and can't seem to go the distance I have set, I knelt down before exercising and pleaded that God would make a way for me to accomplish the task before me. I walked out my door, and found a THICK fog ground cover. So thick that I could barely see down the street. But as I looked up, the fog was thin enough to see the moon and couple of stars. I smiled quite big and sent praises up! God is soo good!

By covering my end goal/blocking my sight I wasn't tempted to tell myself it was too far. I had to keep going, because I couldn't see the end. I could look up, and know I was still connected with the moon and stars (HEAVEN), but to see forward--my view was covered with thick fog. He does this in my life too. Sometimes we think if we see the end goal, it will make us work all the more harder. And sometimes it does. But for a goal that seems unreachable, I am so thankful a loving Heavenly Father gives me my paces/steps in small doses. So that when I finally reach my target, I will be amazed/am amazed at how far He got me to go. Just a portion to see in front of me, that portion becomes the amount of "Daily" bread = enough to get through that moment.

Finished my jog in deep gratitude. Lots of prayer went up in thanks.

Oh Lord, My God...when I IN awesome wonder...

The Church is true!

NOT SLOW TO REMEMBER THE LORD

There is much I would like to write about but something specific for this morning. Last night as I was dumping my phone, I found this picture. Seriously, this picture has not been touched at all--straight from a parking lot in Provo. How can you have moments like that and not know there is a God? Everyone must do his/her own searching/discovering. I found that out on the cruise last week. (Yes I will have to post some pictures later of the cruise because I took some fun shots.)

MEET ELLIOT URIAH ENGLISH!!
My awesome roommate was so kind to let me wake up at the crack of dawn without any complaining from her on how I was awesomely interrupting her sleep. Love you Wendy! About 5:30 I would get up, get dressed and head down to the jogging track. Most mornings were so windy that the doors were closed and the ship wouldn't let us out. But after much asking of the staff members, someone told me I could get to the track by going through the gym section of the ship. THANK YOU NICE PERSON for the information. After my attempt to keep my jogging program going, I would sneak back into my room, grab my scriptures and head up to the 15th floor where I found a little quite nook to study in. This was my habit every day. The nook was a more closed deck outside. I would move the chair and a table away from watching who was walking by and turn myself so that I wouldn't be distracted by people walking by.

Well, here it was Friday morning--just one day left on the Oasis and Uriah catches my attention. I looked up from studying to find this bright smiling 22 year old from Guyana. He told me that he came to move my chair and table for me because he had seen me studying there every day--but that I had beaten him to the job by coming up to study a little earlier than in past days. I was very impressed and touched that he noticed a passenger's morning habit and came to set it up for me. Who was this kid!?! :) We had a good chat about the Savior and I was impressed by his kind heart and big smile. Uriah didn't claim the singer card but some how I convinced him to sing me a song. He said that he would come back before I was done studying to sing to me. Sure enough, true to his word he came back. And of all the songs he could have chosen to sing to me--he sang one about God!! My heart was touched. What a way to share his testimony of loving God. Thank you Uriah for the song! Keep up the singing! You have a great voice! (Before the end of the month is up I am going to Google the song and see if I can find the words. It is a song I would like to teach to my kids some day.) (BUMMER--I can't get the movie to upload. I will try again later. But the song says, ""Lord you are more beautiful than diamonds. And Lord you are more constant than gold. And Lord you are more precious than silver. And nothing I desire compares with you…"-- I will try to upload it and see if I can get Uriah's awesome singing uploaded by tonight.)

I left my study that morning, praising Heavenly Father for allowing to meet Uriah.

Later that day I was at the pizza parlor and before I said a word about what to do with my pizza, the sweet Jamaican girl behind the counter, with a HUGE grin on her face told me about her morning dream. She dreamed that Satan was chasing her--and she was running away and trying to get out of his grasp. She finally found a window and jumped out of it just in time to escape his power/grasp. I asked her why she was smiling and she she said that when she woke up, she immediately called her sister and asked her sister to pray for her soul. She was happy because her sister prayed for her and she felt a peace come into her soul after having such an intense and ugly dream. That peace, she told me, was why she was smiling so much.

Seriously, this girl and I had only exchanged a smile before she just shared her morning with me. Again, I could not help but smile at her openness to tell someone why she was so happy/smiling.

Then Sat morning, about 6 AM--as I was waiting to get off the ship, I was sitting in central park at a little cafe. Seriously, I indulged a little in their raisin, bran muffins. AMAZING! As I was looking up into the dark/fog filled sky, an employee came walking by. He was from India. I smiled and we had a great conversation. Now... by the end of this trip, I was already in awh with all the people who where serving me. 2,000 employees are on the Oasis. Many of them don't get my tips, and the ones that do, don't get anything until the end of the week anyway... But here, their constant focus was MY and all the other cruisers, happiness/satisfaction/enjoyment. I was amazed at their humanity. I pondered over and thought "Well done!"--to Royal Caribbean for building up 2,000 employees to be better neighbors, kinder citizens wherever the next journey in their lives take them. --The last two days of the trip, these thoughts were heavy on my mind, and my own need to become better in my humanity. Well this kid from India starts chatting with me. And before he left, he thanked me for being friendly--! He was kidding right?! For that is how I felt everyone one that worked on that ship was. Just good good people!! I was reminded again and again, how each of us is a Son or Daughter of God. Our Heavenly Father's qualities can be found in everyone.

I surely did not want to go on this business trip, but both Patti and I prayed and we felt I was to go. And walking away from it, yes quite exhausted, like the mission, going to the temple, institute, studying, I am more in debt! I am so thankful God allowed me to view so many different nationalities of people. I saw their kindness and constant goodness. Wow--I learned a lot. I want to be better as a result of being around Uriah, the Jamaican gal who's name is too pretty for me to remember how to spell and this guy from India. I stand all amazed. Every single person has something to offer. Everyone has something to give. We are here not to just by pass earth life and "get through it" but to truly work and serve, love and support our brothers and sisters. ALL we come in contact with. I am not here for my own journey alone. If I were, what a sad and selfishly lonely life earth life would be.

LED TO A VERSE
Felt to share this personal revelation to me. Not for anything more other than I felt to write it down and share it.

Seems like all those that I deeply love are going through their own little times of trial and hardship. Yesterday and the last few days have been filled with deep emotions. Some anxieties. I have fasted, I have prayed many times throughout the day on my knees requesting God's assistance to all those that I love. No one is dieing! Don't take alarm. :) But everyone in their own way have awesome Goliaths and Labans they are facing. And yesterday the overwhelming thoughts of all that is to play out. I felt much in my soul like the servant that was with Elisha in seeing all of the chariots of soldiers ready to pounce them, "Alas, my master! how shall we [they] do?" I do not believe in despair, I have too much hope...but truly the burdens I behold others going through caused a great heaviness on my soul. Then, as God does so often in my life, he led me (not in my normal routine of reading in order) he led me to read Alma 55 in preparation for institute tonight... and there the Balm of Gilead was given! As I am sure that Joseph Smith in his own Hell of Carthage Jail must have received a stirring and deep peace in receiving D&C 122...I too was given such a moment by reading Alma 55:31

But behold, the Nephites were not slow to remember the Lord their God in this their time of affliction. They could not be taken in their snares..."

"...not slow to remember the Lord their god in THIS THEIR TIME of affliction."(emphasis added) I read this verse and wept. I am not perfect, so far from it. But with confidence I can say that I have strived not to forget God in good times and in bad times. And this verse spoke peace to my soul. It was as if God was saying, "Hey Bryndi, I have got your back. You are not slow to remember me. Those whom you love are not slow to remember me. Trials are here. Affliction is great and yes very deep, but I am here. You are not without me right now in this your time of affliction." I told you---kind of really personal. :) I often play Richard G. Scott's words over and over in my mind.

"No matter how difficult something you or a loved one faces, it should not take over your life and be the center of all your interest. Challenges are growth experiences, temporary scenes to be played out on the background of a pleasant life."

And I did last night before coming upon the verse, ponder over Elder Scott's words. I told myself that the challenges were just temporary scenes to be played out as a background of a pleasant life. "Temporary" played out in the "background". Background is just filler stuff. It is not the focus of anything. In a picture, the subject is the focus and the background often becomes blurred.

Well, this verse spoke much peace to my soul. I rejoiced/found great peace in the fact that I can say with confidence I have been striving to keep God/remember him throughout my days. I try to direct my thoughts to him and be with a constant prayer in my heart. This being said, I am not perfect. I am far from it. But there is something to say about the peace in being prepared. I am well acquainted with who Heavenly Father is and what keeping his commandants can do/do do for me. At this moment of my time and those I love times of affliction--we are not just Sunday worshipers of a God we only know through an hour of Sunday worship. We are a family/friends acquainted with the tender mercies of God throughout the week. There is not a day that goes by that I do not see His hand witnessed and often countless times throughout each day. I know in whom I trust! And just as another act of His many countless kindnesses, he allowed me to be reminded that I have remembered him in times of joy, and I will remember him in this my time of affliction and I can call upon Him in this my time... the deliverance/kindness of God was that, "They could not be taken in their [the enemies/the affliction/the trial's] snares..." May this very personal thing, help whoever feels entrapped by a snare of whatever magnitude/shape.

PS. SIDE NOTE! MIRACLE!!! I had the opportunity to go with a girlfriend to the temple yesterday morning. Boys--oh you would be so lucky to date such a girl!! As we were walking up to the temple from the parking lot my girlfriend turned to me and asked if we could slow our pace for she was starting to be "huffing it" as we walked. Embarrassed at my speed in my walk, I slowed down and told her of course we could slow down...we both laughed and walked the normal speed one should walk in high heals. It wasn't until after leaving the temple that I caught the miracle and significance of our walking!! I was not "huffing" at all. Now I am not in awesome shape yet, but for months I have been working on it. Just last year, I would dread over ever having to walk up to the temple with a guy because I knew I would have to be hiding my inside huffing of walking fast up the slanted hill. It is like the dreaded stairs at UVU. You start at the bottom and by the time you get to the top floor, which is from the bottom of campus to the top--by the time you get to the top you are trying to not look winded and you are keeping a smile on your face just so your mouth is open to get as much air to your lungs without looking like you are gasping for it. If you are reading this and have not never experience this/know what I am talking about--you can stop reading now because there is just no way for you to sympathize or know! ;) Well, that is how I used to be going to the temple. And yesterday, in high heals, I was walking fast enough to make my friend winded. Not on purpose of course. Lesson learned, I want to make people comfortable and I will watch my pace. Miracle witnessed! I DID NOT HUFF!!! Really!? ... I stand all amazed! And anyone who knows me ... reads all amazed! ha ha Told you!! God, IS a God of miracles!! :)

GO IN THERE

I was able to go to institute last night...truly I am grateful for any chance I am given to fill my soul with things of Christ. I wish at times I could overcome the natural man, and not over sleep or waste my time, that I might take more time to fill my soul with things of God. Whether that filling time be of study, service, learning lessons from others--I love the things of light! And oh the people of/with "light" the Lord puts around me. I LOVE to see when someone is giving their life over to Heavenly Father. I have so many examples of this.

A dear friend who has chosen to put Heavenly Father first--who constantly amazes me at her willingness AND desire to do the right things. My parents--who make me want to live better every day. For sisters and brothers who show me constantly by example how to love. A best friend who allows me to live my Sundays. Another friend who reminds me the importance of praying. A teacher who after an awkward moment for a student, asked questions so that the class could fall in love/understand/see who the student really was/is better. For a prophet, who lives by example and because of journal keeping and other resources has set a righteous example of "how" one becomes more like Christ.

My heart is swollen. God is so good.

After institute last night as I was going home, I felt to go into Wallgreens. My ipod alarm clock is broken so I figured maybe God would lead me to one in there. I walked in the store and circled the perfume section first. Now to appreciate this--my sister Krysti has well over 30 different perfumes--and she smells amazing in ALL OF THEM! I will be around her and comment that I love the smell. On a handful of occasions, I have gone and sprayed on the amazing smelling stuff on me--and within mins I am washing it off or wishing it would come off. My body chemistry does not produce the same smell as my sister. So rather disappointing what smells good on her usually STINKS on me! I only have a handful of smells I can do.

Well one particular new smell, I found that I like how it smells on me. I walked past the counter and was amazed at the price. about 25 bucks cheaper than at Kohls. I didn't stay at the counter long because it was 35 bucks, and I didn't want to be spending money, but also didn't want to be spending money on perfume.

I knew God wanted me in the store. I just needed to find out why. I walked down the isle and nothing called to me. I walked over and viewed the rather pricey alarm clocks. I walked around aimlessly not knowing what God wanted me to do. I had been in the store for nearly 10 mins just walking around. I then had the impression to buy the perfume. Now, I have fought God before on buying things when I had rather saved the money, BUT too often has God taught me that He works through purchases. So I walked over to the front counter and the man said he would send someone over to help with the perfume.

A kid came out and he was very familiar to me. I told him that I thought I knew him. He said he was from California while giving me the look like I was crazy. So I just pushed aside the familiarness and we chatted over my perfume drama. He helped me take out the perfume and then walked me over to the counter. I asked him if he went to UVU (Which I haven't gone for almost two years? really has it been that long?!) and he said that he was an interpreter. His name tag made me believe that he spoke spanish--so I asked interpreter for what? He said sign language. Well after a few mins, we connected the dots. He came to my old singles ward for a while while I was still there, and now was a currant member of that ward. I KNEW I had seen him before! And I know his roommates who also attended that ward when I was there.

He has tried to pass the written exam to get certified 4 times for being an interpreter and has not passed. We talked about the need of praying and asking for help. I then asked him if he had met with the Bishop. He very opinionatedly (is that a word? If it is not, it should be. :)) said that the bishop had not ever come and shaken/introduced himself since he has been in the ward officially for two months. This kid felt that because he was an interpreter, and the Bishop passes him often because of sitting close to the front of the chapel, that he was horribly wronged by not being noticed by the Bishop. I prayed to know how to not push his buttons...and I asked him the question, "Well have you ever gone up to the Bishop and introduced yourself to him?" The question he wanted to justify, but he knew it sounded ridiculous. he had not done that. And then tried to say as a Bishop, the bishop should do it--however he caught himself in his own flawed thinking and what he was hearing himself say. He then said, "ya, maybe I should do that". I then had the sweet ability to tell this kid that I knew his Bishop first had and had worked every Sunday with him for two years, and that his Bishop was and is a man of God. And surely he has a lot of people to meet in such a diverse and sometimes transient ward. This kid, seemed for the first time to have some understanding towards the Bishop.

He was called over to help in camera section of the store. I challenged him to pray and ask for help from God to help him with his test. He really did look at me like it was the most foreign idea to pray and ask for help. I suggested that he covenant with the Lord... and some other things were quickly said. He politely smiled and then went his way.

I left the store not only smelling AMAZINGLY good ;) but with deep gratitude to have felt prompted to go in there. I got in my car and wanted to say a prayer, but noticed a woman next to my car just staring at me. The temptation was just to wait to pray when I wasn't in view of peering eyes, but that was a silly more selfish thought. So right then and there I bowed my head and thanked the Lord for allowing me to talk to that kid about a bishop and the gospel that I love so much. I have no idea what will come of that meeting, if anything. But I do know that that kid felt the truth of what was sad about the man of God who leads his ward. And I know he felt his heart pricked with some softness on his situation.

"Go in there" "buy perfume"... God's hand can be seen everywhere!

And as a kind perk--he has made this daughter smell all the more better! (He didn't have to throw in that bonus...!)

I love my Heavenly Father. A lot! I love Jesus Christ, a lot!

The Church is TRUE!

I'M A BELIEVER!!!!!

So confession! Remember when President Hinckley said, "...the minimal piercing of the ears by women for one pair of earrings.” -- I was in college at the time and I remember very well hearing the counsel. I think it was only six or so months before that, that I went out and got a 2nd earring pierce in my right ear. AND OH HOW I LOVED THE Diamond that or small hoop I kept there. I LOVED IT! ("Love" probably doesn't describe enough the emotion I had for a little extra piece of metal placed in my ear.) I never regret getting that piercing... what I do regret is my attitude and lack to follow counsel given. I heard the prophet say it, and in my mind completely justified/came to the conclusion rather too quickly that his counsel surely didn't apply to me. After all I was keeping commandments and trying to live my life right. Ya, you might be saying, as I have come to see--the commandment about following the prophet must have been slipping my mind!

I remember going to institute that week--Miracle of Forgiveness. The section "just happened" to be on following the prophets. Nothing was said about the earring comment just made the weekend prior at general conference... but I remember distinctly that I my soul was wracked. And almost as if I had had a battle outwardly, I shot my hands up to my ear while saying, "Okay, okay, I will take it out". I took out the little diamond stud and threw it away. I am sure there were others in the class that must have thought I was crazy. Now, I never regret getting the earring. At the time it was not against counsel. I do regret that it took me several days to follow the counsel of the Lord's servant. I really didn't think his council applied to me.

Since then, my spirit has become a little more "hyper/sensitive" to try to catch areas where I am justifying not following what is taught. I have had many great examples placed in my life to remind me that I need to be looking for what is asked of me, and then following.

A month or so after conference, I was visiting with a dear mission friend. We were talking about how awesome the RS conference was. She made the comment about when she heard that we RS sisters need to be studying from our history, her thought was, "Oh no, one more thing I need to start researching--how am I going to find time." She was relieved when Sister Beck made the comment that they have already compiled a history book on RS that will come out for us. My friend was sorry that she was a little grumpy she had the thought of dread in where she was going to make the time to do research on history... UM PERSPECTIVE! I was floored that my friend had even had such a thought... didn't even cross my mind that I should start studying from the history of RS. I heard Julie B. Beck state it--but the thought that I needed to do it--never crossed my mind. That is what I am talking about! I have this disease of not thinking things apply to me. SO.. I found a weakness I really don't want--and I have been working to not be in the category of, "well that doesn't apply to me" mode.

Because of this sweet sister's comment, and my sin of omission of taking so long to follow Pres. Hinckley's words--has made me a little hyper sensitive and this past general conference, I was bound and determined to be more in-tune/willing to apply whatever was said of the prophet that I would apply, go, and do. I just wanted to make sure my spirit recognized that what he says for all--applies to me too!

I know there was lots to catch, and I am working on his constant theme/reminder of gratitude-- but one thing I caught to do was President Monson said,

"I hope that we will take the time to read the conference talks, which will be printed in the November issue of the Ensign...for they are deserving of our careful study."

Now I know he didn't command us in a "thou shalt read the ensign" way--but I really do want to get rid of the weakness of not seeing/hearing/applying to myself.

SOOO-- Confession - (what a way to end my year with all these confessions! ;) ) I have never, that I can recall, ever read the conference ensign cover to cover before. I probably listen to the conference at least 8-10 times over and over before the next conference--but I have never sat down and studied the pages. I have been a little opposed to it, because I listen to them while cleaning or exercising or traveling. Well, not wanting another regret in an omission--I decided I would read one conference talk a day... and for the first time in my life, I read the conference edition cover to cover. And can I tell you--I have very few pages that are not marked up!


When I was telling a sister of mine about the amazing journey it has been in studying through reading--she questioned if reading is really different than listening--and in with a resounding, "YES" I answer her question. At least it has been for me.

I remember working in the temple and a brother that would come quite often on my shift pulled me aside and asked if there were different blessings that came from being a temple worker as apposed to being a patron. I told him for me there had sure been. Being a worker in the temple brought choice choice blessings and experiences into my life. But if I fell into the trap of thinking, "I work in the temple, so therefore I didn't need to go as a patron" I missed out on blessings that come from only being a patron.

I found that it is true for general conference. I have found power and answers to prayers with listening over and over to the general conference talks. And in a more powerful way--studying from the conference ensign--so different are the blessings that have come into my life through the careful read/pondering of it's pages. It took me two days to just go over Richard G. Scott's talk--and I still feel a week long study of his talk alone would still render countless mysteries unfolded and still lots more to be gained and understand.

Holy Cow! I AM A BELIEVER!! I hope to pour over every conference edition ensign from now on. It changed me. It was beauitful. I HIGHLY recommend the challenge! :)


ON A CHRISTMAS NOTE
Christmas was amazing... can I share a little something with you? I had prayed and God gave me a list of some folks to see on Christmas Eve. I had no idea how I was going to hit those on my list for they seemed to live in all opposite directions from my finally destination=Christmas BBQ Salmon with my folks and then off to caroling to the branches widows. (The caroling with my folks to these choice friends is my favorite--will forever stay Christmas tradition.)

Well God made a way and I was able to make the visits I had felt impressed I needed to do. On my hurried drive up the canyon--it was late in the evening, the canyon was dark and I was driving with a purdital (one headlight missing) car. As I came around a bend--all of a sudden there was a large dear within not even three feet from my car. I didn't notice the deer until it was right there. My heart jumped and I drove past un-harmed and the deer safe too. I know, "Bryndi there are deer in the canyon all the time" but had you seen this deer--you would have notice as did I that the body was ready to leap probably from the scare of my one car headlight. (I know, I still need to get that fixed!) The deer was going to leap right into my car. It's body was facing (looking to charge) right into my car--but it's head was facing the opposite way. As I drove past, deep gratitude set in and I pondered over what could have been and I questioned why the Deer had not jumped. To my minds eye, came the image of someone dressed in white at the side of the deer. The person was holding their arms around the neck of the deer and the deer was being held from leaping into my car.

I cried as I thought of the image of this unknown, only seen in my minds eye, angel--who protected me so that I could not have any delay in getting to be with my parents and going caroling. The tears came down as to how, because of the lack of light and hurry of the moment, I hadn't seen the deer until it was right by my car. I pondered over why the Lord would be so kind. I felt it was a blessing for going the places he wanted me to be that day--and in return he was allowing me to go to the place I longed to be for Christmas Eve.

A family member, a relative, an ancestor or a past friend? I have no idea who the angel was, but an angel dressed in white it surely was. With my hand over my mouth, I wept in gratitude, for several mins afterwards.

HE KEPT ME FROM SEEING
I am an accountability partner for a friend that has had a battle with pornography. There is this awesome sight that is called covenanteyes.com that will put a block on websites and give you a high level of filter. Then once a week or however many times you want a report--the accountability partner gets an email with all the websites viewed/searches attempted.

I have been the accountability partner for my friend for several months now. A few weeks ago, the report came through and it was alarming. I didn't dare check the sites that had been visited/attempted to be visited on my work computer because I feared what might come on my computer. I made a mental note to check the sites when I got home to my mac. I LOVE macs for the fact that pop ups are hard to come through. I kept forgetting to check when I was at home... until finally I remembered.

The keywords were new to me--and I was saddened by the terms that could pull up such filth. I needed to verify the sites my friend had visited so I could know if it was a problem site. Nervously I clicked on one, and had a beauitful miracle take place.

Yes, sure enough it was a horrible search. When the page opened--although there was MUCH to look at, God had my eyes focused on a particular part of the page that was demeaning to women yes, but was the least "yuck" possible to see. I quickly closed the window and clicked on one more to check, and again, awful was the site, but God had me focus on a particular spot on the page long enough to confirm and then to get out!!

What is so amazing to me--is that I really didn't "see" anything that would leave a haunting image. I know they were on the page--many many disrespecting pictures, but when I opened them, literally, my eyes were blurred from seeing them and I was able to get out. This happened on both pages.

I count this as a tender mighty miracle from God. I was able to keep my accountability in order because I knew that what my friend was dealing with was real--but God had me verify without having to see any images that would stay in my mind. I can't describe it, but I know was a miracle from God. A kind of tunnel vision/blurred stigmatism kind of thing really happened with my eyes.

I lOVED Elder Ballard's talk on addictions-- in all their forms. He said:

"Brothers and sisters, stay away from any kind of substance that may trap you."
...
"Remember...any kind of addiction is to surrender to something, thus relinquishing agency and becoming dependent."
...
"Medical research describes addiction as "a disease of the brain." This is true, but I believe that once Satan has someone in his grasp, it also becomes a disease of the spirit. But no matter what addictive cycle one is caught in, there is always hope."
...
"To those who are dealing with an addiction personally or within yoru family, I repeat, fervent prayer is key to gaining the spiritual strength to find peace and overcome an addictive craving. Heavenly Father loves all of his children, so thank HIm and express sincere faith in Him. Ask Him for the strength to overcome the addiction you are experiencing. Set aside all pride and turn your life and your heart to Him. Ask to be filled with the power of Christ's pure love. You may have to do this many times, but I testify to you that your body, mind, and spirit can be transformed, cleansed, and made whole, and you will be freed.
...
"I have seen the marvelous blessing of recovery that can set one free from the chains of addiction. The Lord is our Shepherd, and we shall not want as we trust in the power of the Atonement. I know the Lord can and will free the addicted from their bondage, for as the Apostle Paul proclaimed, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13)."

OH I AM A BELIEVER! There is hope! There is a way for our deliverance, through our Deliver, Jesus Christ.

We can be made whole through His atonement. Reading/studying the pages of the general conference magazines=life changing.

I'M A BELIEVER!

REJOICE!

My heart is so full. I have so much I would like to write about... all the miracles that have come into my life! This year has been filled. What a wonderful time to be alive! And all things are possible because a son was given, a king was born--lived, died and was resurrected to make a way. An atonement was preformed. My eyes have been wet this week. My family, the gospel of Jesus Christ, answered prayers, prayers that were "no", forgiveness, new friends, size 16, kindness, surprising relationships, temples, covenants, garments, Bishops, best friends, snuggles, morning jogs with an angel, saggy skin, understanding, The Book of Mormon, waterproof mascara, priesthood blessings, sealings, aunts and uncles, piano recital, moments alone, sweat, 30 inches, time with sisters, living with my best friends, laughter, seeing change, wanting change, hope, writing, truths, insights, time when I can study and ponder, food to eat, an earring stand, a plan, reassurances, confidence, light, 92 pounds, sister-in-laws=sisters, family scripture study, prayer, mysteries unfolded, for the guy who said something first :), belief, constant/consistent love. These are just a few of the many beauitful things that came in my 2010 year. I stand all amazed! My heart is full.

HE LIVES!!
Merry Christmas!