WASHER & LIST OF I LOVE YOU
"GO TO MYRNA'S"
Saturday brought a feeling that I needed to go and see Myrna.
Sunday the same impression kept coming over and over. There were so many miracles that happened on Sunday that I was literally at the church until 6pm. The impressions kept getting stronger and stronger. So not daring to even go home I drove, speeding a bit into the canyon and prayed that God would allow me to get there to see her. The above picture was taken before Myrna's Cancer. She has been going through Chemo.
I finally arrived in her deserted town and knocked on her door. No answer. I knocked again seeing a light on. She eventually came to the door. We talked for a moment and then this giant of a woman broke down into tears. She said that for whatever reason she was so lonely that day and just couldn't shake it. Embarrassed she hid her face from me not wanting me to see her tears. She told me that she knew that Jesus Christ was there for her and that she would be okay, but that the day was extra hard. We cried together. Ann and Woody had stopped by earlier to visit with her. I did not stay long for Myrna was exhausted but we prayed together and the spirit of the Lord filled the home and we both cried with gratitude.
I pulled away from her house weeping. Deep gratitude for such a woman being brought into my life. She is a solid rock and a choice example of love and trust in God. I thought of her little tiny three street town where in the winter she is the only soul that lives in her town... I thought of all the people God could have brought into my life, he brought me Myrna! How could I ever repay such a kindness?
"VISIT WOODY & ANN"
On my drive back to Scofield, I felt to stop and see Ann and Woody. I don't think I have ever made a stop by myself at their place so it must have come as a surprise to them. But we talked and we spoke of our love for Myrna. I mentioned that her request was for green tomatoes to which Woody replied that it was already taken care of. Woody and Ann asked Myrna what they could do for her and she requested some green tomatoes that she could fry up. Woody came home, called a friend and had made arrangements to take her the tomatoes the very next day. I could not hind my emotion at he and his wife's love and commitment to Myrna.
The night was dark and I was left to drive home. No music, not talks on CD, just my bursting heart. I prayed out loud through sobs of gratitude as I thanked God for all his kind blessings. I was overcome with emotion. At one point I was driving around a bend and looked up to see the Big Dipper right before the ridge line in the canyon. It was bright and deep and I thought that it was a perfect symbol of my feelings. My cup runth over and God has just been POURING his blessings into my life... through the righteous love and example of others. I could not stop crying.
RUNNING WITH SAM
Sam--too this month has been choice. (Nothing different then any other month with my association with him, but we did a few activities that we have never done before.)
When he asked me to go to Zion's quicker then quick I said thanks but no thanks and that was that. But I felt that I needed to pray about going--to which the answer was that I needed to go to Zion's. First hike ever in 10 + years. I worried about if I could make it.
But what does Sam do? To make it so I don't feel the "pressure", he just starts taking "pictures" so I can catch my breath. What a friend! Micarie and James were also good hiking buddies.
And I felt it choice choice that I was with like minded people. Was the view great on top?! Oh yes. :) But the view is not what made the day. God helped me hike something that even last year would have never been a reality.
For Sam's birthday we did Lagoon. Another thing that would have not happened last year or any time prior to that. (Other then this year the last time I was at Lagoon, was when I was in High school with Ash.)
Here Sam and I are dry and having fun. Sadly my bumper car experience was mostly driving backwards because apparently it is a real art to go forwards!
The 2nd round of Rattle snake rapid brought on a new look for the rest of evening--the wet Rat look! I wasn't excited to have my straight hair hit the fuzz of what water does, but Sam couldn't wait to go on the wet ride. How can you deny such a smile?! I couldn't and said yes/went on rides with him that I didn't even do with my nephews!
Why do I share all of this? A great lesson I learned from "running" with Sam. About two + years ago I picked up Sam for our ward temple night. We were running late and were looking for a parking place. Sam offered to drop me off and he would park and run. Me, not wanting to inconvenience him said it would be no problem and that we would just both run together. (WRONG ANSWER! :) We parked out on the street and then had to run to the temple. Did I mention that Sam is a runner? Well our jog to the temple just about did me in.
My 2nd run with Sam was after we finished hiking Angel's landing we started to run down the mountain a bit. We hoped to hike the narrows still that afternoon and everyone had already finished the hike.
My third time running with Sam was at lagoon as we raced through the rain to get to the Rattle Snake Rapids ride.
After Lagoon I was pondering over the fact that I had had a hard time running with Sam. The first time at the temple, my body was a lot different then and running was not something I did. But I have since learned how to jog, but still found the hike and Lagoon's little runs--left me out of breath. I must admit I was slightly annoyed with my lack of stamina. So two days after lagoon, Monday morning, I felt it get up and go jogging. It has been months out of a routine and I figured I would only be able to go 5-mins. I figured I would start extremely slow and when I felt like backing off I would back off... but I ended up jogging over a mile?!!! And the next day was about a mile and a half! What was the difference? Why the change jogging for a while as apposed to dieing with Sam's and I little jaunt?! Why had I about died with Sam? The difference is... on my jogging, I took it my pace. I was not trying to keep up with anyone nor have any eyes on me. I was presently surprised at how long I went for not having jogged since basically Feb. This was a great lesson for me. How true it is to life. If I am consistent and take things at my pace/my impressions--not based/pleasing any other one... I can accomplish more than I thought I could/can! God is so okay if we go the pace we need to. The catch is--to KEEP moving in the direction towards Him.
I had the impression this week to write in my journal. I won't lie, it was kind of a big inconvenience! HUGE one just because I didn't feel like I had "time" to write in my journal. After my journal was typed, I copied the pages and went to my online journal to past the info in. I was surprised and hand not remembered having entries in the last two months... but there were journal entrees. What in the world had I written about? I seriously couldn't remember writing.... So I opened up a few entrees and was overcome. SUCH amazing things God has brought into my life in the last few months. Sometimes I really hate the question when people ask me what I have been doing. After long work hours, what does Bryndi Cloward do with her life? Well that is a very good question but I often dread being asked it. .... reading these journal entries I was reminded of the sweetness of my life. It is a life filled with challenges and trials and temptations trying literally to kill me by degrees, but I can honestly say that my life is FILLED with God and moments from Him.
As I read my eyes were wet and I was reminded of His hand in my life. OH chalk that up for another reason to keep a journal! I have many times, late in the night, typed, slept, opened my eyes, typed again, over and over and then the next day gone back in to try and figure out what I was trying to write through my sleep. But hey, that has to count for something right?! :D
I have recently spoken with two close friends. One shared that he hasn't gotten a blessing since he was 12 and that was for appendicitis (he now being a returned missionary age). I asked him why and he said he is one of the oldest of a lot of kids, and so "going with out" so that others can have the need of the parents/joys was just a part of his life. When I asked him about getting a blessing, he said he thought it would be a good idea, but that he didn't "need" one. The interpretation for that is that he was not "dieing" so therefore didn't need one. Oh I had much to say about that!
God is a God of greatness! He is named "God" after all and for good reason. Oh how I see his workings in my life. And equally choice I see/he allows me to see his workings in the lives of others. God is a god of miracles! He is good, he is gracious. He is FULL of mercy, truth and light. He is a father that loves and cares and listens and blesses.... Bible dictionary--blessings he would already give but are CONDITIONAL upon our asking for them. I guess a very subtle tactic of the adversary is to be so "okay" with life that we are okay/never feel the "need" to seek ask for such blessings. But don't the scriptures say over and over, ask and ye shall receive seek and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you. SHALL is strong language. There is no MAYBE you will receive, or IF you are having a good day and have been infinatly kind you MIGHT get an answer. God says SHALL. "Shall" is in THOU SHALL NOT KILL or thou SHALL not commit adultery... God is using the SAME SHALL.
So my thoughts, am I allowing God to be MY GOD? To be my shepherd. A shepherd leads guides supports, lifts, blesses, finds, and when needed places me those whom he has found on his shoulders. But if I am so okay with life, and who I am that I don't "need" God...? Isn't that lack of "need" a direct tool of the devil?! I answer yes. It is. Does this mean that God doesn't want us to use our brain and being about much good of our own free will and choice, certainly not. He wants us to use our brains! And perhaps one area we can start is figuring out what GOD is in our life. And if there is a place for God to BE OUR GOD. Surely the Savior followed and did the will of the father in everything, and what is so beautiful is that he still had agency. Christ didn't have to do what he said he would do. He didn't have to seek the father on anything or pray as much as he did. I am pretty sure he was capable of having and living a FULL=BUSY life without his God. But He chose to have his Father in Heaven be apart of His every movement. Whether by seeking and asking, or the Savior already alining His will to the Father's. What a team!! What a companionship!!
Can it not be the same for each of us?!
If we allow God to BE in our day by keeping him close in prayer and counseling with him in all our doings and he WILL direct us for good (Alma 37:37). There is another word like shall = will! Do we really believe that he will? The scriptures say He will. And it doesn't say "when" we feel like some of our doings are really important, or the ones that are just Sunday/church oriented. ALL says means ALL--doesn't it?!
I have such a deep testimony that God doesn't lie about what He says. And that He can teach us how He CAN be our God. Our daily life breathing, in need of God. And how his Son, Jesus Christ CAN be our Christ, our Savior.
I recently had a conversation with a choice friend. They shared that perhaps God is given too much credit for things that happen. That yes he is in our lives, but he lets our lives play out and is not into all the details. I believe things play out, actions, consequences come to pass for those actions good or bad, but I have found for myself, that even when I don't have to remind myself to breath/or the air isn't smelling that it causes me to remember that hey it stinks or hey it smells good.... regardless if I am thinking of it or not-- I am always breathing air. It surrounds me, fills my lungs in and out morning night when I am away when I am asleep. It is always there playing one of the most vital roles in helping me stay alive....air allows me to breath. And that goes into having a body that will let me breath, lungs, a heart to pump, blood to BE pumped... and yes I function without even remembering or thinking of these things. But yet they are their and very much apart of why I am living and not dead. I believe God is the same. He is there ALWAYS whether I choose to acknowledge him or not, whether I "see" him or not, He is there more than I know.
My heart is full. God is so good. And I can tell you that He can and IS apart of our every day life. One can adjust to have the veil/realization pressed so they what they did not see before, but was always there, they can now see. Jogging three times with Sam pretty much told me I was not a jogger and I could not do it. BUT I could not see, did not know, had to learn that I just needed to go a different pace. And with that different pace brought in long periods without stopping. Something I could not SEE possible-but was ever reality.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, but to the one who doesn't know or see yet the air that surround them-- You have a God in Heaven, your father. And He will BE your God if you will let Him. For He is there, whether you have allowed/trained yourself to see Him or not. Not seeing doesn't mean He is not there. He is, and He loves you. He loves us all! Oh may we thank our Great God for he can give us a portion of his Spirit to soften our hearts (Alma 24:8). Our Great God through is Son has made a way for our souls to be washed and bright through the atonement (Alma 24:13). And our great God will/has mercy on us and will make things known unto us and WHY because he LOVETH OUR SOULS (Alma 24:14).
He will be your God. He is my God! I know He is in my daily life and how grateful I am the condensation of His son, to aid/bless me.
Daily--one can have/see God in their life. I testify that this is true.
Big Dipper-- My cup is over flowing and blessings are pouring down on me... !
Jesus Christ lives. God hears and answers prayers.
ps. random side note- Penn I love you! Proud of you!