I went to the DMV a few weeks back to get a copy of my car title. Apparently when I paid off my car in 2006, I never got the title from the bank. So the DMV showed that the bank still had a "lean" on my car. Again, "wonderful" is not the word that came to my mind. :)
I called the bank and asked them to fax the DMV a release on the title. As I walked over to a bench to wait for the fax to come through, I could not hold back the tears of frustration. It had been a long week, and this little "title" detail was not the last straw on the camels back, but rather a puzzle piece that seemed to link all the other bad ones more closely together. Working with the auto body shop was far beyond NOT desirable, the insurance guy was nice but way to smooth with his words. The amount I was receiving for my salvaged car, wasn't even half of what was paid for the car 6 years ago. ...
As I bowed my head to stop anyone from seeing my tears, ever so gently, a scripture was placed in my mind, "...all things shall work together for your good." What a sweet reminder. And with that, I bucked up my shoulders, took a deep breath and seriously had the mind set of, "Okay, bring it on." (I WAS NOT looking for more opposition in my current battle, but in a way, the reminder of Christ's words allowed me to square up my shoulders.) About 3 mins after the reminder scripture, a friend from work, called me on her drive home, and that too, lifted my spirits and seemed to help infuse me with a little more faith in the current situation.
The accident was three weeks ago. Bless the kindness of my folks with juggling around their cars to help me out, with my brother and friends who have given me rides. Truly all angels!
Since the wreck, I have been working with a sweet couple who buy cars straight from the auction. They have a small finders fee but basically in their retired situation, help people find cars. The first week of looking for cars--the more and more apparent it became of what this little journey was bringing... I am going to need a loan, and more payments for two years isn't the most exciting thing to my soul. Color, make, model, cruise control, no cruise control, high and low miles, gas millage, compact, midsize, coupe, civic, hatchback... And yes I know this is nothing like the decision over an eternal companion or anything, but if I am to fork out that much money, I sure do want it on a car that is going to last and will not only be good for a future family I hope is in the not too distant future--but I don't want a lemon/lots of drama if I don't have to have it. (This all coming from a girl, that three weeks ago couldn't tell you the difference from a Honda or a Hyundai, a Toyota or a Ford. Amazing what being car-less will do to you. I NOW can spot a Toyota and Honda out of a mix of cars. Now that is an improvement for sure! ha ha:))
After viewing lots of different cars via email... there was about a 6 day window where my contact didn't email me anything. The more I researched the cars, the more stressed and worrisome I became. Over and over the impression came that it would all work out. But as new concerns were made apparent to my newly educated brain, new worries and fears crept in as well. Knowledge can be power, but I was feeling the more I learned about what I didn't know or at least hadn't considered before, the more heavy my burden started to become.
My worrying was consuming. *Note to self: Worry, doubt and fear do not provide a comfortable/happy/stable environment and living space.
This past Tuesday I went to the temple seeking refuge from my little bothersome storm. I did not receive answers, but at least I could keep the anxiety of the unknown car monster at bay while I was within the temple walls.
On my way to work, or shortly there after, my mind took hold on all the things that were weighing on my heart. Items that at different times when they had shown their ugly new heads, one by one I had take them to the Lord. My mind was in conflict. I knew that God had told me it would all work out/not to worry. I have even had the impression with what type of car to go with, but the more I learned car lingo, the more worrisome I became.
I am not sure how I came to the conclusion, but I retired to my private spot at work where I can kneel down. Before starting the prayer, I wrestled a bit with the fact that God already knew all my concerns, all my drama--after all He is God. And although I had at times given a piece of the burden here and discussed some of the issues there--NOW feeling quite educated with car stuff, I decided I just need to dump ALL car burdens on His alter, all at once. I opened my prayer and told the Lord I felt quite silly, knowing He already knew my concerns, but that I just needed to place them before Him for the benefit and hopes that my conscious self would know I got all items "off my chest".
I did just that. One by one, I listed each concern. Each worry of "stipulation" on my wants/desires/fears and concerns. I truly just "unloaded" EVERYTHING at the Lord's feet.
After I had completely discussed every ounce of every concern, I told the Lord I was ready to give the burden over to Him and to trust in His timing, will and inspiration. Once again, the sweet assurance came (like it had already come a handful of times throughout the course of this event). The answer was, to not worry, things would work out and it would be good.
THE DIFFERENCE WITH THIS OCCASION was that I had fully unloaded all my burdens=concerns and worries first. And with my spiritual sack, emptied on His alter, my life sack now had room to be filled with His promises and reassurance. It was truly something beauitful and in a way, life changing/eye opening.
God has answers for our deep prayers and peace for our troubled hearts. But like anything valuable, there must be a place for those answers and peace to dwell/be kept. If my sack retains all the worries and all the doubts/fears--even in God's kindness to send me such answers over and over like He did, if I have not made room/given the answers any place to reside--He can send the message, but like the water that dances on the shoreline, if there is not a tide pool with empty walls to hold that tide, the water will quietly head back to where it came from.
How grateful I am for prayer! And even in my doubting states of life, God allows me to "unload"-- that truly my burdens, might be light/lite!
This beauitful reminder/miracle was last Tuesday, and I am still at/dwelling in/with peace. When I am tempted to indulge back into the habit of "worry", I simply shake my spiritual head (and sometimes my physical head) and remind myself that I have done all I can do and the Lord has "got this".
So what will this week bring? The right car?! That would be WONDERFUL! BUT IF NOT, I know in whom I trust. :) I have made place for His peace to dwell. I finally made room for His tide/reassurance to remain and I have no intentions of replacing them with worry and fears. *Note to self: Why settle for anything less than His peace?! If I will make room, it is mine for the keeping.
Amazing what He allows us to learn. His patience and willingness to allow me to learn at the pace my soul/body needs, astounds me. He, is good!
Response from Marshyl on this post: "Amazing how much nicer the Lord decorates our Spiritual walls when we get out of our own way and let him come in to do some interior design work huh? :) Some things are just better left to the Professional. ;o) "Amen Marsh!
"Some things are just better left to the Professional."
--Marshyl Cloward :)