Tuesday, February 7, 2012

When you feel like you are drowning...

...THE Lifeguard walks on water!  

I saw the saying -- When you feel you are drowning, remember, your Lifeguard walks on water--online the other day. Such a clever saying! It was attached with a beautiful picture of Christ's feet walking on top of the water. I decided it just needed a little tweaking. Yes, YOURS and MY Lifeguard walks on water, but ultimately there is only ONE Lifeguard, THE Lifeguard of all our souls. If we allow ourselves to, we can stretch out and reach for His hands for His hands are always reaching for us. 

So many miracles, I don't have enough time to write them all. I have seen God's hand and tender mercies unfold time and time again. There is no limit to His goodness, His long suffering, His kindness!

In needing and wanting to visit with someone who seems impossible to visit--for months I have talked to God about not knowing what new game plan to take. The impression came to stop by her house before work. 8:30am brought me knocking on her door and her mom saying that she would wake her up. I half expected rolling eyes and daggers to pierce me when she found out I was the one who took her from her dreamland slumber... but a hour later we were talking about God and His plans for her. The spirit was present and I know she knew God had sent her a message. God made a way! 

I have not seen Myrna since Christmas Eve where my mom, Thaynermack and Santa snuck over to visit her in the rehab place. She cried with our visit and we cried seeing her fighting for her life. She did not want to be in there and had even attempted to go home. The doctor told her she could go home and die, or she could stay at the center and learn to live. She chose to learn to live!

Myrna has now been home for almost a month and her health has improved! Dad cooked up her favorite, spaghetti and I had the privilege of taking it to her home. Boy did she look so good!  She is not 100% Myrna but she was cracking jokes about her hair and she was filled with so much light and joy! Look at that smile!

She said while she was in the hospital that there many times where she just wanted to die. She even asked God to allow her to die. She did this several times, but to no avail... God still has a work for Myrna on THIS side of the veil. And thank goodness! 

With permission from Myrna, I would like to share with you some of her sacred testimony about her experience with cancer.
Q:How did you discover you had cancer?
I started having bleeding, and I thought I better go to the doctor. I thought it was a hemorrhoid, but they found a tumor and it was a 2 out of 4 stages of cancer.

After my surgery I just wanted to die and I wanted to be with Jim [her husband that passed away nearly 5 years ago] so bad. I prayed for the Lord to take me but he wouldn't do it. I should have listened to all my priesthood blessings. They all said I would pull through it and I was going against the Lord's will by asking him to let me die.

A couple days after the surgery I looked at Craig [her son] and I thought he looked so scared and so worried. He said "mom, promise me you wont give up." That is when I knew I had to live. He and I are really close. After that I snapped out of it and was doing very good [for a time] ...

I was in there [the hospital] for 10 days and came home for 3 weeks. Then they started the chemo... I did really good for the first 3 or 4 months of chemo, but then they gave me too much chemo and I just could not eat. I was getting worse and worse instead of better. ...

After being rushed to the hospital after one of her treatments, they found that her levels were at zero. Dr. Radly told Debbie (Debbie is Myrna's sweet daughter-in-law who like Ruth of old, has never left her Mother-in-law's side) that one more hour and Myrna would have been dead. They had given her too much Chemo. It was the hospital's mistake. Myrna recalls:

I can remember feeling like I was floating... and the clouds were so bright, you can't describe them... so peaceful... but then BOOM (!) I wasn't there and something pulled me back. God didn't want me back [with him]. I didn't see anyone or hear anyone just those bright bright clouds.... but that is when Dr. Radly thought they were loosing me.

When I was going up [to the the hospital] every 2 weeks to get chemo... I have an old car and I would always say a prayer that we would be safe and the car wouldn't have any troubles and we [never did have any troubles].

I kept having [a] dream over and over... there was a long hall... and there was a man that had his back to me and he was sweeping--he was sweeping away the debris in the hall. When he got to the end of the hall he turned to face me. It was the Savior and he smiled. He had such a beautiful smile. I didn't understand the meaning of the dream but I had it over and over... but it then came to me that the Savior was clearing the way for Debbie and me...  [With reverence and quiet emotion Myrna then declared] So I have seen the Savior.

The second time when I was in the nursing home I prayed for God to take me and he didn't... I did not want to be there, but he didn't take me. [Then with perfect "Myrna humor" she said] God didn't want me neither did the devil so I am back here to torment you guys!
 In church Sunday, Myrna had no intentions of baring her testimony and even told her self that she was too emotional to share, but then "BOOM I am up there.... sometimes you have got to do it because the spirit told to."

When asked what advice she would give to anyone who is in the thick of their storm Myrna said: "Don't give up, have faith and have [priesthood] blessings all along [the journey]."

We laughed, we cried, we hugged, and we praised God for his goodness.  I wish everyone could have her the profound conviction in her realization that she was praying to die when it was God's will for her to live. This woman is surely among the elect of God.

In prep for Jinger's birthday and some other experiences I was led (with a heart and mind that was ready to pay attention) to sing and take notice of the words in Hymn 85. I have taken out the repet of most verses... but how profound the lyrics to this song are!

How firm a foundation, ye Saints of the Lord, Is laid for your faith in his excellent word! What more can he say than to you he hath said, Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled? 

In ev’ry condition—in sickness, in health, In poverty’s vale or abounding in wealth, At home or abroad, on the land or the sea— As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be. 

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed, For I am thy God and will still give thee aid. I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand. 

When through the deep waters I call thee to go, The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o’erflow, For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless, And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress. 

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie, My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply. The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine. 

E’en down to old age, all my people shall prove My sov’reign, eternal, unchangeable love; And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn, Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne. 

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes; That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake, I’ll never, no never, I’ll never, no never,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!

I am not sure why we are called to go through all that we are called to go through... but this I do know.  Our Savior, WALKS on water! And when through fiery trials our pathway shall lie, HIS grace, IS sufficient and will be our supply. The flames will not hurt us, but will be the KEY to consume our dross and refine the gold "divine" that is in us.

MY SOUL on Jesus shall lean for repose. I WILL NOT, I CANNOT desert to His foes. And although all hell will endeavor to shake me (physically, spiritually, mentally, emotioally)...


Jesus walks on water and He has and will continue to clear the debris! 

Oh Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder...!